I sat in a bar, with my pregnant wife, down in Florida watching that game unfold. The nice locals next to us seemed excited for the Bears about to kick the winning field goal. I told them that he was going to miss it. I had no doubts about this and then he hit those fucking poles. Sat there in my Mack jersey, staring…

The new Bears logo:

#15 John Baron. Where have I heard that name before?

HE HATE TEAMS

Shut up, tomato.

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Seriously? You need to get out more.

If I came home and found my ex-gfs sitting around drinking MY tea and my wife and daughter are missing, I’d probably first ask them what gives them the right to just take MY TEA.  You couldn’t ask first?  You knew that was the tea that I bought for myself for when I get stressed out, but you just went ahead and took…

It used to be Lincolnwaswrong. They shortened it at Ellis island.

You think he’s eating rat chow? That motherfucker eats rat droppings. Like...devours plate-fulls of them.

Love too consult actuarial tables used by the insurance industry to estimate the health and longevity of customers.

Your idiot murder toys should be melted into scrap and the 2nd amendment is fit for nothing more than toilet paper.

Confederate statues - “We need them! We need them as...uh...a constant reminder that slavery is bad! So we can learn from history or something!”

As always, shut the fuck up Tomato.

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. No way Roethlisberger can use PowerPoint.

Meanwhile, here in the liberally-biased world we call “reality”, if you were to cure schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression overnight, violence would be expected to fall a whopping 4%:

Good god, that’s exactly where this is headed isn’t it? We’re going to be discussing whether he completed the process of the clap and completed a non-clap football move.

“First time, long time. 6'4", 239 lbs.”

#Deadspin’ed

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

“Told him he was bad at it” - Mrs. Hutchings.