What a story, and you said you weren’t gonna be useful today!

The problem is that Spicer is the absolutely perfect choice for a society that struggles to differentiate between “reality” and “reality TV.”

This sounds like a well-considered plan with no possible downsides. Great!

Many people are saying he’s the best kicker. You hear it more and more.

“The Trump economy is great! Don’t these people love money?”

Only three potential troop names: Defenders, BattleHawks, Guardians.

The man has shamed glasses.

Like a wet thud of a brain slamming into the skull during a collision because helmets actually offer little to no protection?

But I thought Trump “tells it like it is” and is a “tough guy” and not a mushy-brained mewling toddler? Weird.

Trump was very disappointed to find that you can’t buy people anymore.

👍

Counterpoint from someone possibly even older than you: Facetime is 👍but y’know, NOT IN A PLACE WHERE NAKED PEOPLE ARE WALKING AROUND.

It does seem a little on the nose, though, as Trump surely has the nihilist vote locked up by now.

OK, I’ll bite: How white is someone with the last name of Lin?

I disagree only because I think he’d find cannibalism a waste of time.

Meanwhile, in a fetid, unfinished basement cubicle, Stephen Miller looks up from his rat chow for a bare instant and mutters, “Fuckin’ amateurs” as he redrafts his new one-drop immigration policy.

Gee, it’s almost like something happened in 2008 that scared the fuck out of the gun-owning American population. Trying to put my finger on it... 

Seriously! If your best argument is “math suggests he isn’t brain dead yet” maybe sit a few plays out.

Honestly, I was pretty stoked about all the Lizzo.