Great, now I have to explain to the Beyhive that Beyonce paying taxes isn’t an assault on their queen. THANKS TOM.

... his lawyer said that as a defense. Huh.

“I was in DC with my husband, and I came back, like, this is what people think all conservatives are now, and we are not.”

Why would he “back down” from the thing that won him the election in 2016?

Trump: Go back to where you came from.

Hydra turns all of me into stone IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING

The pessimistic view is: LOL it ain’t fixable, enjoy “Mad Max: Climate Change Edition”

Hmm, is openly violating the Constitution enough of a high crime and misdemeanor for Pelosi to consider talking about thinking about possibly mulling over impeachment?

You and I have *extremely* different ideas on what a fun afternoon looks like.

Shame, I rather liked your sudden but refreshing use of “fatty” :)

When push notification comes to shove ...

I dunno, I’m OK with the Knicks getting banned from the NBA for a year too.

My body redacted nothing for several days after eating Skyline.

I did mean specifically nationwide in one fell swoop; but you’re right, that’s my snooty blue-state bias showing through. They’ve been able to pass jack and shit in my state so far.

“Smart move. You could never have a sex scandal with a man.”

Honestly, the biggest problem with Sharia Law is branding. If you called it “Holy Law” and said it was about jeebus, they’d be tripping over themselves to enshrine it nationwide.

None more nervous than one Capt. Crunch.

Ilhan Omar: America is racist, cruel and unjust.

Robert Redford is Zach Galifianakis’s father? Mind. Blown. (insert Dr. Steve Brule gif)