we love the suuuuuuuuuuuubs!

was hoping he got a tattoo of “Dakota” and then could just turn around and start dating Dakota Fanning  (providing that shes over 18 of course)

luckily I got my period on Sunday so I just stomped around my husband grumpily

*at different times

Ha my parents got divorced when I was 2 and I’ve walked in on her hooking up with 2 different guys

Prob a secret Riverdale fanatic, watches with the Queen I’m sure

Also I barely know who Brandi Glanville is but she is living my best life fucking young French waiters who walk her dog. #livingthedream

I’m assuming the worms were first marinated in a work bowl full of EVOO 

Maybe Brads doing that thing where he has a new lady friend and hes been staying at her house and they are too busy boning for him to go home and get new clothes. He just washes them at her place or something. Or has a stack of clean undershirts stashed in his car. 

My MIL gave me swiffers for xmas this year. I had just given birth to a baby 2 months before, I almost threw them at her head.

....what else should she be titled as? I mean obviously washed up former MTV host grifter works but its a lot to type every time 

I feel like he could bring some gravitas and she could bring a little whimsy to the relationship!

they are SO young - I had no idea they were ever together! Will now enter a rabbit hole of googling their relationship

ok hear me out-Keanu and Britney??? I feel like it could work

def has a google alert

sounds like Nicholas Hoult is available

FUCKING SHOCKING. 

Recovering skank here- still pining after a purple tube top I gave to Goodwill 15 years ago

who the heck is Jojo?

she’s probably just glad he stopped asking her to help him move a couch