The grab was amazing!

Ugh Robert Downey Jr whyyyy. You are not Tony in real life. Tony Stark would not say these things.

Yeah they look kind of good!

I don't know, if you put this on my plate I would definitely TRY it. Maybe all my teeth would fall out and maybe it would be disgusting but now I'm kind of intrigued, that's all I'm saying.

I'm under 30 and I voted! I had to get an absentee ballot cause I'm out of my state but worth it! #hellyeahnewhampshire

This didn't happen on Halloween, but it kind of involves dressing up: one time my friend went to a very fancy party and then hooked up with a guy she knew. He lived only a few blocks away but she stayed overnight, and had to walk back in the morning in her fancy dress. Unfortunately for her, it was one of those Sunday…

"My thought the whole time was maybe women shouldn't practice how long they're blinking, men should just not rape people."

Yeah the friend zone is not universally applied. My freshman year one of my guy friends always texted me "can we talk" and then basically complained to me about the fact that I'd "friend zoned" him. It did not make me like him more, or even want to be his friend anymore.

Okay so her meme usage is clearly out of hand but the doge lines during sex part is kind of hilarious. Especially that she moans them. I might have to try it out, whatever the consequences...

"I am being fired in my prime" - ugh so true man, why didn't they wait to fire you until you retired????

The Ouija Board ad keeps playing on spotify as I read these and I am officially terrified.

"With age comes wisdom. You don't have to wait to be a conservative!"

I don't drink coke that much but how can they be losing money? They put our NAMES on their CANS, guys. Revolutionary

I think you're being too generous with his "Things I Want to Do With You" section. It reads less like a google search on how to be romantic and more like a 2nd grader's answers on a weird project. "Have more date nights by taking you out to dinner more often." So specific haha

WHAT?? What movie was that? That's so not okay

What. This is terrible writing. How could he have been paid to write this?!?

If you are having a warm shower, no way your bladder doesn't need release

Sometimes I pee in dorm showers, which I feel morally conflicted about. On one hand, other people have to use that shower. On the other hand, sometimes I really have to go and I always pee before I wash my hair / body, so those suds are going to wash the pee away anyways, maybe? Plus, let's be honest, gross shit goes…

Yeah, it was snark. There are a lot of other lines that show it, including "That seems like a terrifying fixation on the product in face of an epidemic and the loss of human life, but okay."

I got a hollow book one christmas and stashed candy in it, just like Claudia would have!