Y’all, keep in mind that the check was $1,000 for THREE WEEKS of pay. A nigga can’t even make over $300 a week without raising suspicion. 

Holy shit, if you can’t trust football coaches & Catholic priests these days who can you trust?

This is the shittiest fucking take possible.

They never should have covered him with a government-issued blanket.

Nurse: Oh my God! Come look at this Red skin!

“Daddy, no!”

He and AP would be quite the 1-2 punch.

Joe Buck has 10000% called the cops on a black guy for trying to break into his own house.

Fuck them regardless

My first memory of Joe Buck announcing and also the moment I decided he was a sanctimonious shithead was the Randy Moss mooning celebration.

Man, fuck Buck and Aikman for not getting the reference.

I have to admit, the best bit on the internet right now is Deadspin making Gruden’s face redder in the hero image for each subsequent article you post about him.

“I wish someone would save our soccer team!”

You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Eli do the boot scoot boogie at halftime to rally the troops.

What a slap to the face to Brees. This is the kind of indiginity that will really leave a mark.

In an abstract sense I would love a threesome with Chrissy Teigen and John Legend but only if a threesome is when three people hug and say encouraging things and then have snacks. The two of them can have sex and I'll tidy up the snack area but I don't think I'd be bringing anything to the table by participating.

Instead of a threesome, I'd rather just play that fun drinking game "the devil's triangle" everyone is talking about. I have to watch it, too much beer and I get gassy. I heard the kids call it boofing these days.

You have an alert set up for “Deadspin kicker,” don’t you

Don’t divide. Unite.