Two things that I can’t really believe after reading the article and watching the clip:

I swear I read this, right out of the gate, in the voice of Sean Connery...

Look, this story is absolutely begging for a Futurama take from someone much smarter -- and, lets face it, less lazy -- than me. Please get on this ASAP.

Thanks for describing most of my weekends, with one absolute exception: it’s Chili’s, not Applebees.

Logical reasons to get into a fight with a 6' 8" power forward in a parking lot: none that I can think of.

Damn. Hungry means absolute business. I like your style and wish to subscribe to your newsletter...

“And there’s always the risk that the stench of losing becomes stubbornly ingrained in a franchise and lasts generations.”

My first thought was Tony Eason. I’m a Lions fan...I’ve got nothing but time on my hands most Sunday afternoons...

This. This comment. I thought I was the only Lions fan that felt this way. I remember jumping around my apartment like a lunatic and feeling so fucking excited. Bought my Matthew Stafford jersey the next day. I, unfortunately, still wear that ratty fucker on Sunday, Thanksgiving, and the odd Monday night.

Jesus, get ready for the bombardment of “it’s not ‘South Detroit’ it’s fucking ‘Downriver!!!’” comments headed your way...

Well, it’s official -- even God hates watching golf.

The adolescent in my soul rolled his eyes after reading your comment. The 45 year old dad that actually is searched for a pencil to write that gold down to be used later.

+1 take your goddamned star. You owe me one keyboard and one cup of coffee.

See, this is exactly what happens when a pasty, rich white guy wants to sport Pharrell’s 2014 look but his friends can’t find it in their hearts to be honest with him.

What? You’re too good to upload a hot n’ sexy 6-4-3 double play? Pffffttttt...this is why I only read blogs about the Royals....

I will never be able to hear or read the name “Mitchell Trubisky” without thinking it sounds like an ambulance-chasing law firm.

“Go ahead and tell the child the Lions and Yankees are the only team to which they should pledge their loyalty.”

It was an incredible Timmy Lupus impression...

I’m still not convinced that picture isn’t some kind of Weird Al parody shot from 1985.

This may very well be the most clear and concise comment I have ever read on here. Wish I had more stars to give.