I wish more people shared your lack of fucks about what everyone else is drinking.

Oh god, the words “hubby” and “wifey” make me physically cringe. I just want to throw up and crawl out of my own skin and throw up again. This is entirely an overreaction and I have issues, but whatever. Those words should be banned from everything forever.

All three deserve to be sent to the 9th circle of hell

When I got to the Mike’s Hard Lemonade bit and realised I was only a quarter way through, I decided to go the TL;DR route.

You know, if you’re going to look down on me and my $10/bottle Louis Jadot Beaujolais-Villages situation, I’m gonna laugh at you because I’m getting pleasantly wasted at a much better price point than you are. The LJB-V (aka “my house wine”) goes excellently with everything, up to and including my budget.

I could barely read it at all. Run on sentences, strange syntax, too much trying to be cool.

This is the longest “WAHHHHHHHHHH” I’ve ever read.

Counterpoint: Drink whatever wine you like, don’t listen to people on the Internet.

Jesus. Ouch for both. I was working in a bar once and was outside smoking when a drunk dude threw a rock at me. Oh and sand. Small scar over my eye, thank you very much.

I’m going to use this.

How has he not been fired by now? Or at the very least put on permanent filing duty with mandatory daily counselling sessions. Fucking psycho.

Nice to meet you. I thought I was the only person in America who did not know/care about the Gilmore Girls.

Yeah, I just did a search for Poseidon with trident and that was the most visually striking. After a quick image search, it turns out it’s a deviant artist.

And you don’t want to piss off the sea.

He was probably bribed to step down.

La Mer...

“My Ghost Boyfriend Gene Kelly will haunt your nightmares if you don’t go away.”

I’m sure I’ll get a lot of shit for this, but I just cant manage to muster up any sympathy for this girl or her mother. Where dress codes are sexist or unequally applied, I acknowledge and accept that shining a light on it and shaming the administrators can be a good thing. No one should be made to feel shitty simply…

How about this: