This kid writes like he’s going to be a washed up NFL punter in 10 years...

You can pry my syrup covered bacon from my cold, dead fingers...

It’s like Braveheart, only with more clogged arteries.

China’s President looks like the dad of the kid who was kidnapped in that Jackie Chan movie Rush Hour. Is that racist to say?

In hockey, they spell it “Primeau.”

Rob Ford’s Darryl Strawberry impression was much more spot-on.

I like how the only time many sports fans give a fuck about sexual assault is when they can reference it in order to heckle a player on an opposing team.

FUCKING LOVED IT

On the bright side, C.C. Sabathia finally has some drinking buddies again.

You guys are the ones that built on top of an ancient Native American cemetary.

To be fair, it’d be cruel to make Buffalo fans snort their coke off a mirror.

*goes home to bang girlfriend*

Well that was a cool response. The video was pretty silly, but people who were outraged about girls taking selfies at a baseball game need to get a real cause.

Wearing a Fab Five Jalen Rose jersey when stranded by the side of the road is an international signal of distress.

God, I have the same problem. I’m always telling chicks “My eyes are up here!” when they try to check out my disgusting mess of a neckbeard.

"Fuck childhood." —Tim Marchman