That’s Hardy Harbaugh, formerly known as The Family Secret.

Nah, man. We’ll find McCaffrey a Cabinet post.

“Ignorance is bliss when it comes to our heroes sometimes. Learning the truth is a mighty huge letdown.”

How the fuck did this get out of the pendings?

I think I know what the problem was with Patrick Kane’s rape kit.

Way to spoil the surprise for your nephew, James. Now he knows exactly what kind of institutional racism is in store for him.

“Garlic is divine. Few food items can taste so many distinct ways, handled correctly. Misuse of garlic is a crime. Old garlic, burnt garlic, garlic cut too long ago and garlic that has been tragically smashed through one of those abominations, the garlic press, are all disgusting. Please treat your garlic with…

“Garlic is divine. Few food items can taste so many distinct ways, handled correctly. Misuse of garlic is a crime.…

I don’t understand using a garlic press. I love garlic, probably more than most, and I cook with it a lot, and I just don’t see the benefit of a press.

I don’t understand using a garlic press. I love garlic, probably more than most, and I cook with it a lot, and I…

I’m going to print this take out and place it in my fireplace. The heat will keep me warm all winter.

Brady is going to side with Trump, since that towel-head Cam Newton is a huge threat to Brady winning another Super Bowl.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, feeds the geese like Travis Kelce.

Did you miss the part where he went to inpatient rehab for alcohol abuse?

He’s like Bo Derek, a perfect 9-1.

Impressive. You jacked the Reddit top comment and applied it here. Classic Carlos Mencia.

These are not the 72 virgins they were expecting.

Cool, I’m two-footed as well.

Do you even elevate iron, bro?

You unlock Brady when you destroy every cell phone hidden in the game.

Tom Brady is being released later as DLC that comes with loads of cheat codes.