I want a thermos with "I have an educational blog" printed on it. I feel like that would get me as close as I can get to greatness.

Maybe she sleeps with his homeless buddies.

THANK YOU.

I don't think you're allowed to sleep, or even recharge. You can sex him in the bed; otherwise you should be praying or making music or taking toothpaste to the poor people, all of whom I'm sure love to see this guy coming. "It's that lunatic bringing us toothpaste again! Crouch down under the windowsill so he won't…

But... but... liking cuddling is ok right? We need a new word for this activity.

"I have an educational blog" has to be a close second to "I sell monogrammed thermoses," right?

so where does his muse sleep? oh right, she just recharges in a corner chair.

I can't lie: I checked out as soon as I hit the word "cuddle" in the first bullet point. "Cuddle" is the "moist" of relationship words. *cringes*

Kirby Delauter is very important person. Just be looking at Kirby Dealuter's monogrammed thermos. #KirbyDelauter #StupidestManOnTheInternet

Also note that the first letter of every paragraph spells out KIRBY DELAUTER. Genius.

This is, without a doubt, one of the most wonderful things I've ever seen in my entire life. You can't make shit like this up.

<Cries into a thermos monogrammed K.D.*> That was beautiful.

Those lovely baby blues are saying "wanna play? I got a collection of cat heads."

Worst Thomas Friedman Column EVER.

I will never NOT tell this tale: I had DINNER WITH HER when I was in college, we were hosting a Roe V Wade debate. I drew the short straw and had to take her out while my friend took Sarah Weddington out.

Things have clearly been in decline since croquet fell from popular favor.

I don't agree that her life is a great feminist example. Feminism (at least in my book) is about standing up for other women, not just for yourself. That does not make her life any less remarkable.

I'd be much happier if they were lovers but I recognize that is unlikely

I . . . I didn't even realize that women going to college was something you could be mad about anymore.

wait so like