For whatever reason, I read “I think I’m dating myself” in the romantic/cheesy sense. “Screw this, I’m dating ME tonight! Bring on the Survivor marathons!”

More Cookie gifs, pls.

I felt so bad when he said that. And I’m not necessarily anti-hunting, but sport and trophy hunting is something I will never understand. “This animal is so beautiful, I had to kill it and mount its head on my wall!”

Ahhh, that is beautiful! How can they be so adorable with those nightmare claws?

Because the President of Alaska didn’t make the rain stop after I very clearly yelled into the sky “I AM AN AMERICAN AND MY JEANS ARE GETTING WET! STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW, OR I AM NEVER COMING BACK!”

Alaska is where I had the bear sighting that will forever ruin all bear sightings. Mother and two cubs catching fish in front of a waterfall during a gentle rain that eventually cleared and cast a fucking RAINBOW OVER THE BEARS.*

WHAT TITUS LITTLE MERMAID WHERE CLIPS ARE FIND ME THEM OR I WILL DIE.

When my husband was out of town for the weekend, I binge-watched Orphan Black (while, um, drinking quite a bit of vodka), then started talking to my cat like I was Helena.

I'm the same. When I know the truth is either something the other person doesn't want to hear, or just sounds unbelievable, my face turns into this crazy NO REALLY I AM TELLING THE TRUTH, SEE ALL THIS TRUTH ON MY FACE thing. It always backfires.

I suddenly have the desire to shred the top of my mouth with Cap'n Crunch. I was already hungry, but damn.

I have always hated milk. Even as a child, even with cereal - why would you take something delicious and crunchy, then turn it into a soggy mess with vile mammalian teat-leakings? That it can be used to make cheese and ice cream (hooray for cheese and ice cream!) is no excuse. Would anyone eat spoonfuls of flour…

I think some people like the theater of weird food combinations more than the actual taste. "Look how quirky I am! I love mayonnaise rhubarb ice cream!"

I'm with you on peppers, as long as that doesn't include green chile. Green chile pizza is EVERYTHING WONDERFUL ABOUT LIFE.

Has it occurred to you that you might just be an asshole?

Tyrion for attorney general.

This sounds exactly like my dad. I was joking about how unadventurous he is with food, and my brother defended him by saying "No, he's gotten better! He's started putting stuff on his hamburgers!"

They look so sad and distressed. I wouldn't fuck them, but I'd give them hugs, and tell them it's all gonna be OK. Maybe gently stroke their gills a bit, but I couldn't look them in those sad, plastic eyes.

This is wrong and perfect.

OMG, can we just stop with the "but he's probably mentally ill/if only better mental healthcare!" shit? If violent bigotry is a symptom of mental illness, let's just admit that the US was founded by people who were motherfucking CRAZY.

Jeeze, men are so emotional.