A raw red onion is the WORST. The flavor stays in your mouth for a fucking fortnight...

How is Larry not in the greys but I am still? Make Kinja Great finally, someone??

I’m pretty sure I ate cat in a Mayan village in Mexico where I did volunteer work. At least I found out after the fact instead of while I was going through the buffet line. 

Way to retain the moral high ground. Textbook manoeuvre.

It should be noted that being wrong doesn't mean it's not funny.

Funnel web spiders, of which I have never encountered, are probably my biggest fear in the entire world. And like you say, I have many options. But those things...yeesh.

You’re alright mate, you’re alright.

Their entire left side of the infield would be in Chicago if it wasn’t for the dumbass shitheads running this franchise, and those 2 players will likely end the year with more WAR than the White Sox’ entire starting lineup combined. Getting absolutely steamrolled by a small market franchise that just a year ago gave…

And the Marlins traded Paddack to the Padres for Fernando Rodney. Cold world out there. 

I no longer ask my children (11 and 13) if they’ve brushed their teeth. I’ve developed some sort of mystical dad knowledge about whether they’ve actually done so, based solely on their movements to and from the upstairs bathroom, which I pay only casual attention to.

I’m laughing my ass off at the shower part. Like...yes, totally mean...but my god, sometimes desperate times/desperate measures.

Joined in a GI shower once in boot camp. Message was understood.

There was a guy in my freshman dorm like this. World of Warcraft guy who seemed to think that the 5-10 minutes spent in the shower were 5-10 minutes not playing the game. His roommate ended up going to the Hall Director and saying he couldn’t physically be in the room because his roommate smelled so bad. They ended up…

I had a roommate in college that was exactly the same. He would febreeze himself and the pile of dirty clothes in his closet. It was awful.

“Take me to your leader”

How was he going to trade for mid 90s Jr and Bonds without giving up that much?

...are you the guy that put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?

Oh look, everybody! We got us a Dr. Mr Scientist up in this bitch!

Nah, I’m Banquet for life. Two of those combined are 700 cal, 48% from fat (38g), 0g trans fat, but still 24% of my daily fiber. https://banquet.com/pot-pies/chicken-pot-pie and look on in horror, but less horror than Marie Callender.