Finally, a trurhsayer! Video evidence shows Rondo IN FRONT OF Paul when the alledged gleeking occurs. So why does Paul’s head go BACK and to the LEFT?!

Brilliant line: “What if Coldplay rode a motorcycle?”
I’m going to keep guzzling coffee though...

dafuq are you not writing for AV Club already

I have never heard Imagine Dragons explained so perfectly. 

You take your star and you get the fuck out of here, sir. (Preferably with all limbs intact.)

Another night, she feels something pulling her feet, jerking her towards the end of the bed, but nothing was there.

Did anyone ever ask your (ex?)uncle if he had seen weird stuff or felt influenced in a way?  It makes me wonder if the demon had a hand in driving a wedge between him and your aunt...

Bro, he just won an Emmy this year for his special. It’s not our fault you’re not hip enough to know who he is.

he wound up hooking up with the beer tosser

Their defense is shit, so that would make sense. Although if Crawford is playing out of his mind (concussion pun not intended), they can go the Golden Knights route & ignore their shitty D. The idea of Marc Methot or Alex Petrovic being Stan’s big “get” makes my stomach turn...

The thing with Crawford was that he was having his best year ever last year before he got knocked out. If he plays like that, then sure, the Hawks can sneak into the playoffs and then all bets are off. But if he plays like he did up until last season (solid, but not elite), then they still miss the playoffs...

“down with a concussion”...fixed

What did you do that made you pass out at 930? 

I lost a good friend by turning down the honor to be best man at a destination wedding. I had three little kids and no time/money.

I am so glad that I’m done with the weddings part of my life. My wife used to get pissed at me when I would call wedding invitations bills.

Glad I’m not the only one who thinks “attending your destination wedding” = “your wedding present.”

I think that extends to the wedding itself for 3o-something ladies that have been waiting EXTRA long to have that big party and show everybody how special they are.

Peyton Manning’s United Way bit on SNL is still really funny.

I’ve never hated anybody so much.