I have to be very careful about wishing death on these fucking people. Sure, I’d like trump to shit out his insides on the toilet. What reasonable person doesn’t?

“Her life is forever ruined because of his actions.”

Chef: MY MOM

The worst part about it is that he CLEARLY thought about it for days before. I can imagine him practicing that stupid speech over and over, then smiling and going “you got this, Jameis. This will make them respect you.”

I love the bewildered looks on his teammates’ faces.

An blind Iranian cleric walks into the Grand Bazaar fish market and says, “مرحبا يا سيدات!”

Yo momma so dumb, she thinks Qatar got the 2022 Cup because it’s an attractive destination for international tourism

Think what you will about Pol Pot, but the man was ahead of his time when it comes to getting away from it all and moving to the country...

Camped in Yellowstone for 9 days, with my ex-gf’s family. We were together when the trip started and broke up about 4 days into the trip, 20 miles from any form of civilization.

Sorry about the bad experience, but I’m fascinated by what happened after the breakup. Did you tell the parents? Did they freeze you out and leave you to talk with the squirrels? Did they refuse you toilet paper? Those kinda of things. How did it play out?

Thank you for your community service.

I got in an Uber at 9am in LA, heading to the airport. I was extremely hungover. I noticed the driver was eating wet chicken out of a ziploc bag.
About halfway to the airport he stopped one of his whispered conversations with himself and turned around to offer me some chicken. It was so wet, it looked like it was…

Your ideas intrigue me, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I worked for a major sporting goods company in the corporate office. One day I was riding the elevator from the first floor to the fourth. The CEO was also in the elevator and when we got to the second floor someone got on, hit three and got off one floor up. As soon as the door closed he said,…

He lives on the 2nd floor. In squaller.

*in my best old white male republican voice*

i have no idea the reference for this comment, but the simple combination of words was good enough for a laugh

lol! So wrong!

That’s all I need to hear for me to go grab some jizzack free Boston Market!

This is a good and reasonable take.