I want to frame this as Renaissance painting with a pithy quote and hang this in my house.

this is the greatest story ever told.

Wrigleyville-ish. I can see the Vic. Say no more.

consider yourself lucky Big Bird wasn’t there

Those pictures are tremendous

As someone who knows a lot of rec league hockey players, this is not the first time I’ve heard the phrase “rip some bitchin slapshots at Johnny Fuckface over in the net”.

Not sure how anyone could possibly wipe sitting down. Rock to one side? You’re in danger of slipping on the seat, and you’ll unseat that toilet eventually with the weight shift. And no matter what you’re reaching your hand down below the rim, right? All sitters need bidets.

The semi-squat or a nice far lean forward is the first wipe, then stand to make sure you’re all the way clean. Touching the underside of the seat ruins your day. Related, I just used someone’s bidet attachment yesterday and it felt lovely, I didn’t need toclean so idk how effective it is but I’m seriously considering…

Part of the reason for standing is to be able to check the paper without risking bumping your cheek on the way up. How are you supposed to know you’re clean if you don’t look at the paper?? And then you’re already looking as you drop it.

Through the grace of God I’m glad to say that I’ve been sitting for quite some time now. I hope my story helps others from heading down a darker path.

+1 picanic basket

your response reminds me of something Jerry Seinfeld said at a stand up. He took questions from the audience and someone yelled “where’s Kramer?” Jerry responded “I hate to break this to you, but Kramer’s not real. Elaine’s not real. George is not real. I’m the only one who is real.”

Thanks for the visual.

he wasn’t a white boy, he was a damn fool

You poor soul. A scene like that would ruin me forever.

Perhaps she discovered he is no comedian.

Yeah, I feel like meeting the Syracuse football team would require fake asthma at best.

Around the basketball team has not historically been the safest place for young boys. Where is Bernie Fine these days?

Based on what I’ve read over the years, DAs are super aggressive about pushing plea bargains, sometimes even lying about what the effect of plea bargaining would be. Especially if the family is poor and certainly if the lawyer is a public defendant (it doesn’t sound like the Heimlichs had a bunch of money, although…

I suspect we’re taking different paths to come to the same “he did that, didn’t he?” conclusion.