“So, son...Did ya do it?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Well...What if we just say you did?”
“Why?!”
“That’ll be $15,000.”
“I don’t care what your card says, Mr. Hutz. I’m not sure you’re a real lawyer at all!”

Most people are just too self-assured and ignorant to want your help.

Then one day, during their allotted gaming hour, I will ask to play and I will proceed to mercilessly destroy them. I WILL BREAK THEM. I will taunt them and humiliate them.

Yeah, so you won’t have time to do any of this as a parent. You will be tired and only want to sleep when you have free time. You are screwed when it comes to beating them at video games.

I accomplished this feat in one afternoon on my sons xbox. He will never play, or question my a superior Halo skills again. Now he reads books mostly..

+ Marv Marinovich

It was the right joke to make and we both made the correct decision. Originality can go fuck itself.

This is top-notch (hypothetical) parenting.

My son is 6 and I have been training to whoop his ass at Mario Kart my entire life, to which I am successful. I routinely dominate and when he asks me to go easy on him I just go harder. He’s gotta earn those W’s.

God damn, dude

Man, this deserves a montage set to an ‘80s rock anthem.

This is a world worth living in.

Add Sam Cooke to that list too!

Right? Who could envision the San Jose Sharks losing a playoff game in heartbreaking fashion?

What I like most is that it probably took you more time to put the typos in than to type out the comment without error. That’s real dedication. Excellent work.

I’m going with CTE.

This is the just the sort of interspecies erotica I look for when visiting the comment section of any website but I seem to only find it here on Deadspin.

My wife died at age 36 from a ruptured cerebral aneurysm back in 2006. It happened just as suddenly as Danny Farquhar’s rupture. I feel like there should be more awareness and research about cerebral aneurysms. It is estimated that 1M+ people in the USA are walking around with an aneurysm in their brain and don’t even…

It’s crazy that one moment we’re completely fine and the next on the brink of death and not really know why. Hope this dude is okay.

That’s terrible. I hope he recovers.