Hey now, she’s graduated since she won that Oscar! But I definitely did a “Oh hey, I know her from Hot Fuzz!” when she was in the middle of her speech.  

I know who David Morse is!! David Morse is my 2nd favorite, “hey it’s THAT GUY” guy in movies.   Right behind William Fichtner and right in front of Keith David

It is literally called Crack Cocaine.

He looks like the first person to be eaten in a Jurassic Park movie 

Sir, I regret to inform you that crack is made from cocaine. I know the actual name for the drug “Crack Cocaine”, is pretty vague, but I assure you it is the main ingredient.

Disqualified from international hockey.

i could start posting dick pics if you think that’ll bring in some dick pic clicks. nothin fancy, just pics of it, lookin all sad and confused. Can wear my Jon Garland jersey and Porky Pig it, to keep it sports content. Remember Jon Garland? That’s a potential title. Things like that go viral. I can acquire more old…

I’ll kill u

Well hey, that’s good news for me!  The system works!!

Forgot to say. Go fuck yourself. Forgive me

Family beach house, not a hotel. You’re learning so much about me!

....the beach was right outside our room, numbnuts.

Yeah, but also, go fuck yourself

please just let me live my life.  I can’t go over the scenarios in my head anymore

I tell you and anyone else reading this, there is not a time in recent memory that I was as miserable 24/7 than when I was bitten by sand fleas. Those bites are absolutely brutal. Like a mosquito times 20 and they didn’t go away for weeks. Was scratching myself bloody.

Hah well it was a “babymoon”, so it was more about her than anything, and up until that point in her pregnancy, I had gone a lil heavy on the beer consumption.  

If you don’t think I haven’t seen that and discussed with my friends a scenario in which they signed her to a contract, you’re fucking kidding yourself.

one of these days someone’s gonna slap you right in that whore mouth

Nah, unless they’re ravaged by injuries, this is a playoff bound team.  Top to bottom too much talent

The problem is, this is a team that went through a dozen kickers before paying him a shitload last year.  I truly do believe that finding a dependable kicker is one of the hardest things for an organization to do.  What free agent kicker would have been a better choice than Parkey?