the lung cancer

Kliff Kingsbury is never going to make it in this league

This team makes me fucking miserable, but misery is a comforting feeling, it’s familiar...normal.  I can’t wait for opening day

what do you know about the cold, you hairy ass Yankees fan...

The White Sox traded Tatis to the Padres for James Shields. I hate so much that I am a fan of a team that has been getting thoroughly owned by the fucking Padres. 

No.

“OUR ATHLETES WERE SO MUCH BETTER WHEN THEY WEREN’T CODDLED AND WERE PUSHED TO THEIR LIMITS! THESE KIDS TODAY DON’T KNOW THE MEANING OF HARD WORK AND ARE GOING TO GROW UP SOFT ENTITLED PUSSIES WHO WILL NEVER MAKE IT IN THE REAL WORLD.” - Marv Marinovich

Yeah thanks dickhead, I know there’s a hell of a lot of pain to come.  Already have 1 crown, it’s gold, they’re all gonna be gold, cause gold is for royalty and I am the King of Candy

It’s not about the teeth, it’s about the power that comes with the deceit 

When I was little, I would rub a small amount of toothpaste on my tongue to beat the breath smell test, and it worked. There were layers and thought put into the lie.

“I NOW KNOW what it FEELS like to go through 9/11, and I can INEQUIVOCALLY say that this Knicks franchise is the biggest DISASTER in the history of New York city.  That is a FACT”

Couldn’t tell yah, I got out of there pretty quick.  The RA was looking for any reason to kick me out of the dorms, all I needed was for that stinky prick to point me out if he reported what happened

Well then it’s a good thing I was an Econ major and not a Bio major

Hep A is spread through contact with feces.  

I’m glad you asked. There’s something wrong with it when you find out that his girlfriend was putting things in his ass while they were in bed, at the same time that I would be watching TV in that room. And then just putting the metal cigar case, or whatever it was, on any shared surface in the room that they saw fit.…

When I was living in the frat house, my roommate’s mom came in and did the exact same thing. We didn’t even have toilet seats in that bathroom, and there she was, on her hands and knees washing the floors with bleach. She then came into our room and asked me if I was going to pick up the pair of socks that were on the…

Buddy, if you’re wearing an Ultimate Frisbee jacket in public, the white trash homophobe isn’t the nightmare roommate.

“So we’re all in agreeance, we’ll hire a spokesperson who can get away with it”.

Not if you foul off one of the pitches, yah big virgin.

*getting paid to ignore work to look things up on Urban Dictionary.