Some Millennials have Borat.   Quoting Borat got old real quick....NOT

Had a neighbor in the dorms that had his own room and gave himself the nickname “Farmer”. Always thought that was a pretty sweet set-up, not having a random roommate assignment and all. Turns out that no, he had the room to himself because he was an anti-social asshole, who it turns out gave himself that nickname. He…

When asked what influenced their decision to quit, the dogs responded that weather conditions became too ruff. 

She has no problem being married to someone who thinks that the Holocaust was just fine, because he’s also circumcised.  

Burn in hell, you troll bitch.

Sir, I assure you the President’s penis is orange.

check the girls for orange palms

He’s gone full Shia Labeouf, which means that we’re months away from getting reactions of him watching his own terrible takes and then him performing full penetration for Lars Von Trier.  His movie career may start shortly after  

because wearing another man’s skin is the greatest thrill of all

Love both fruit, but it seems rarer to get a raspberry that tastes amazing than it is to find a delicious strawberry.  I will also make a case for blackberries being superior to raspberries.  Either way, they all bow down to the pineapple, the greatest fruit of all, and they all spit on the loley honeydew 

I think the problem with wine and whiskey people is that when you get to a certain point, there’s really no going back. You can’t go and enjoy cheap options. For instance, my dad is a huge wine guy, has a cellar in the basement and everything. When I go to my parents for dinner he cracks open some cabs or blends that…

Raspberry jam is better 100% of the time, but Strawberries are better than Raspberries, in non jam form, 100% of the time.   

No fuck you

It was just an example.  Still better than Bud Light, but would rather drink a High Life if I’m goin the light beer route

I am not wrong about this.  History will be on my side

Can not fucking stand goses.  I try to like them, but it’s like drinking contact solution that someone put pomegranate and rosemary in.  Don’t need it in my life.  I do get my wife with the sours as well, which is fucking hilarious.  Like giving a baby a lemon. 

Why.

I stopped turning my tongue into a fur coat when I broke things off with your mother.

Last time i was up in Minneapolis, I drank 16 Grain Belts and fell in a hole.  Good shit

you see, the tropical winds from the northwest waves of the central pacific midland regions really gropes the grapes in just a way that they taste extra dry after they’ve been fermented and sitting in your grandfathers basement for 30 years.  $25,000 for the bottle.