Why do I feel like EJ Johnson is the second coming of Andre Leon Talley? I'm probably wrong but I do agree, that bitch is fierce.

"Soooooo... do you wanna go out?"

Oh my. I'd read that the kids' names were Hunter and Forrest, but I hadn't tried to put them together with the last name.

Yep. I have no interest in her as a celebrity at all, but she's a hell of a lot of fun to look at.

I don't get the hate for Kim's body. I LOVE the way she looks, she's gorgeous and I would tear that ass up if ever given a chance. Curvy women are smokin'.

Christmas Day mass is going to be off the hook.

I hate it. But then again I hated BFing and feel really shitty about it.

I already had to pay for parking. Now you expect me to pay for someone's livelihood?

Coming in 2014: Taylor Swift as Maria in West Side Story.

They're going to air the Les Mis movie?

It's like all the meanness in Canada is one concentrated nightmare of a person.

I was up at 3am writing a paper due today and decided to tweet Ahmad to see if he wanted Whataburger. [...] We went to whataburger and then came back to my place where they shared all these ridiculous stories and we hung out.

Just as long as there wasn't any dancing...

(As an ex-NJ waitress turned California paleontologist)

UncleKim and I are smokers who only smoke outside of our house and everytime we go outside I get SO worried for those without power.

Texans are genetically designed to get in their cars and drive like assholes when the weather takes a turn like this. So that's another danger they'll have to manage.

I actually kept taking it to a place where "a garden" is a euphemism for pubic hair, and then imagined Mark Driscoll taking teeny tiny gardening shears and making elaborate topiary designs out of his wife's "garden". "This week, we're going to do abstract swirls, and then next week, I'm going to try to get in both an…

I just keep seeing a crotchety old man yelling 'GET OFF MY LAWN' in the context of his wife being the lawn. Fucking dying right now.

He should think of his wife as "a garden" and himself as "the gardener." If you look at your garden and don't like how it looks, Driscoll preaches, just remember: "You are the gardener."

I went to high school with this guy. He was in my older sister's grade. I can assure you, he is THE WORST.