Can’t Buy Me Love taught us as much.

If a magazine profiled me and included one of these fuckin’ lines, I’d never give another interview: “...she told me one evening, driving her Audi Q5 S.U.V. from her post-production studio to dinner at a hip Thai restaurant on Sunset Boulevard.”

I’ve seen the photos, which are pretty much the nadir of anti-Duke sentiment, which is suspect to begin with. It’s like admitting that you’ve gone light-years out of your way to dislike something and - surprise! - found the lamest possible reason, which was inspired by (I can’t believe I’m about to type this...) “meme…

The knowledge that people hate Jon Scheyer, of all Duke players, helps me simply laugh off anti-Duke rhetoric. Really? People hate Jon-freakin’-Scheyer?! It seems like it must’ve take some legit effort to get to that point.

When a team loses to the same opponent by at least 37 points three times in a season, I don’t think sportsmanship accounts for the difference. Duke killed just about everyone that season and played Taymon Domzalski 10 minutes per game against Virginia.

I’m pretty sure the old, wood NordicTrack Classic Pro Skier has to become a fad first.

Do people not realize that every gym-quality treadmill has “variables” you can “customize to your own needs and style” via these state-of-the-art things I personally refer to as “buttons” and “settings”?

There’s a different term for “inter-marriage” that I like to use: marriage.

I’m still trying to figure out why people make a bigger deal out of Michael B. Jordan than they do Chadwick Boseman, especially after seeing them together at events like this.

Okafor will always be terrible defensively and isn’t a good fit for the current NBA.

If you’re a huge Liverpool fan in America, you likely already have a TV package with the NBC channels, which show 90% of Liverpool’s Premier League matches ($40/mo. for YouTube TV for me). It’s another $5/mo. for ESPN+, which covers the FA Cup and Carabao Cup matches, and another ~$5/mo. for Premier League Pass, which…

I’ve spent most of my life successfully avoiding scores of unwatched games yet I’ve accidentally seen a score I was trying to avoid due to the habitual practice of opening Instagram or Twitter on my phone/iPad approximately 763 times in the past six months alone.

Yes, I get that it would be tough to cut out early and tell someone to their face that you’re not feeling it (assuming they’ve been normal and/or to avoid finding out they’re a frightening dickhead upon rejection), but at the very least “be honest” by not leading them on. I know there were times I’d be like, “Yeah,…

Well, as a Giants fan I think his bust should feature a hat with a Cody Ross home run swing on it, so there.

I think we can all agree that an NBA team that ranks 29th out of 30 teams in home attendance in spite of being in the top half of the league in market size definitely deserves nine figures from the public to “maintain” its 26-year-old arena...

Any white person who says, “None of (insert large group of white people they’re associated with) are racist” is either blatantly lying, oblivious, or simply just wrong.

It’s fun to compare just the pre-steroids stats Barry Bonds put up to the career stats of lesser players entering the Hall. They always seem like a miscalculation, but nope, he was just that damn amazing.

The point of replay is to get the call right and full-speed replays limit the likelihood of that happening. A reasonable time limit is all we need. 60-90 seconds, in and out, make the call. And I’d keep the officiating crew out of it. They don’t need to walk to the sideline and look at a tablet; the call comes down to…

Don’t worry, I’m also 36 and wear jeans and a sweatshirt daily (workday or weekend). So you actually dress like a 36-year-old boy.

4. Average 23.9 points over 52 career playoff games.