PayPal has never let me down. I use it pay for things whenever I have the option to do so, and you can send money to friends for free (like for rent). Also, I’ve got a credit line through PP that’s great. I hear people talk about Venmo like it does something unique, but I can already transfer money through the PayPal…

I know a guy with the same full name as him.

And you can’t underestimate the bonus of passing out somewhere other than the bed you sleep in every night for hours and hours. That plus the more unexpected nature of falling asleep on a couch makes couch naps far superior.

I’m going to keep this knowledge handy for after my Lemonade drops next spring. Good to know.

I wish I was rich and famous specifically so I could be the rare, normal human one who was like, “I’m worth half a billion and could make money bottling my own farts, so I’m gonna save my cease-and-desist letter for like the .00001 percent of the time it’s worth using and give the little guys this one and this one and …

That’d be great. On top of that, instead of pretending TVs don’t exist except for fans at home, the NFL should have one person in the stadium or replay center watching each MFing game’s broadcast and alerting officials/teams when a player suffers an obvious head trauma.

All I know is my much younger brother, who could legit read books at four, is about to graduate from an Ivy League school with honors while I, who barely read by the second grade, am a graduate of a lowly California State University. Early life reading comprehension FTW.

There’s so much visible concrete at the Coliseum it looks like it was designed by an architecture firm “specializing” in parking garages.

Okay, so that makes one person who has ever thought, “The fan experience is better at the Coliseum than at AT&T Park.”

And this is why I always go with Papa Murphy’s over the other national takeout chains. PM is the shit.

Here’s what happens to arugula when it is layered on top of a pizza: it probably blows off the pizza while being delivered to your table, it definitely falls off each slice when you lift a piece to your mouth, it hits your mouth and falls off or dangles from the corner of your lips during a bite because each leaf…

Or maybe these top coaches who are pushing 70 and have been inside top programs and athletic departments for decades know that when it comes to getting college athletes paid they ultimately have as much say as you and me. Hell, you folks can’t even write about Krzyzewski without totally putting him in his place by…

Wendy’s fries are perfectly fine. They’re on the thicker side, salty, and not overfried. They’re not the best, but plenty good for drive thru fries. Anyway, I merely go there because In-N-Out has the worst fries, so indicating Wendy’s fries are better than the worst isn’t exactly effusive praise.

I only go to In-N-Out when I’m not hungry enough for fries, which means like 10% of the time I go out for a drive-thru/takeout burger. Their fries are just terrible.

Wendy’s is underrated. I visited New York from California a few years ago, which was my first opportunity to have Shack Shack. I thought the burger tasted almost exactly like a Wendy’s burger, yet nobody hypes up Dave Thomas’ joint.

Yeah, well, they may as well have won because they certainly didn’t learn anything from the lopsided nature of the match, it seems. It was just further proof that they can *almost beat a really talented team like Belgium, so qualification is now a foregone conclusion...

Yeah, that happened, but they also had no business not losing like 4-0, which makes it difficult for me to say they almost won because of one fluky thing that nearly allowed them to pull off the most improbable stolen victory in World Cup history. Focusing on the almost win rather than being competitively overwhelmed…

Um, how about an alternative like Costa Rica, which is until further notice better than the U.S., also from CONCACAF, always in pot three or four, and won its 2014 group over Uruguay, Italy and England? Or is that too blindingly obvious for the crowd that still thinks the U.S. almost beat Belgium four years ago?

So we haven’t yet passed the point where “We all hate Duke, but...” is still a thing for every sports writer, huh?

Listen, Bret just wants you to know that when former pro athletes get together to have an amateur hobbyist four-way, it’s way too manly to be PC.