It’s always the sickest, most monstrously fucked up ones who invoke “God.” If this doesn’t make a convincing atheist argument, nothing will.

If Santorum didn’t do the chicken arm movements and go, “Bok! Bok!” the call-out doesn’t count. No backsies, Rick.

Who knows? No one IS actually watching.

If you’re at all like me, you want need Adele to be able to make music to express her inner turmoil.

When will we know Flabby Lee’s fate? I desperately want/need to see this warthog of a woman in an orange prison jumpsuit. And then Maddie could do an interpretive dance about it.

It takes a special kind of monster to be able to defame Janice Dickinson, a woman who has spent the past decade going out of her way to defame herself in front of every reality show camera pointed in her direction. This defamation suit has its work cut out for it.

Is Trump’s research team just a bunch of drunk monkeys? A single viewing of LWT would’ve informed them that John Oliver doesn’t do interviews. I’m sure Trump’s asinine assumption was that anyone who has a late-night talk show has invited him to bring his clown show on. His assumption on that, and so, SO many other…

She was hunting, now she’s got the plague. Can we lure Walter Palmer there next? And that wretched twat Kendall whatsherface? And all trophy hunters?

The Game just made eggplant emoticons blush.

Go, Jace. You have bigger and mightier balls than that piece of crap will ever have.

I’m sure those who fit into your categories would love to cast the first stone, but their hands are.. occupied. Like, constantly.

WHY DO YOU HATE US, JEZEBEL? I thought the stunningly tedious Kristin series was a violation of the Geneva Convention, but now I see how much worse it could be. I’m so supremely squicked-out by just having to scroll through the photos of this be-lipped sphincter to get to the comments section that I may need to make…

Too bad they couldn’t let the 16 year old girl be the one who fires him. Publicly. After knocking him on his ass. But this is okay, too.

Hey Tom - I’ve got all the answers you need back at my place...

Can’t Katy Perry just shut up? Like, forever?

what is the cop supposed to do, “oh well, I tried and she wouldn’t give it up”. yeah that’s a great way to get them to listen to you.

For a second, I wondered if “has a mall in her basement” was some sort of euphemism I was unfamiliar with.

Wait - if she was ‘dead within seconds’ then she didn’t suffocate. Suffocation takes like 4 minutes, doesn’t it?

Y’gotta love the little assholes though.

Have you also researched the rate of organ theft in those countries? Or how much an organ sells for on the black market? Because when there’s money to be made and unscrupulous people, that’s a recipe for some seriously messed up shit to go down.