"Derp derp girl on girl movies, derp turning them queermosexual, derp derp derp!"

That's your winner? Pffft...

As do I. I love dogs, have worked with a rescue group, have two adopted rescue dogs, and donate money to rescue groups regularly. I really love dogs. But this poor little guy. Overbred, tiny as a mouse, and now has to live with Paris Hilton? Wrong on several levels.

Um, Corndog???

You know your penises! Because that's exactly what they are supposed to be. But, like all penises, they sometimes end up in the wrong places...

This is what I was thinking. "Dude, if your wife experiences real emotional distress in the buffet line, there's some shit going on."

Compliments like "you would make a good guy" or "you're not like those OTHER girls, you're COOL" used to make me preen. Now they make me retch :(

I once saw her have a complete breakdown in a cafeteria line as she watched the last carvings of "her" prime rib sandwich get distributed to the guest in front of her.

Perhaps one day you can be one of the adult Romanian twins April wants to adopt...

You are garbage.

It's much easier to pretend to care about breast cancer than for the NFL to take an honest look at domestic violence. It would mean a total rethinking of jock culture, which is pervasive down to the junior high/middle school level.

I'm just going to guess that there is very, very little risk Steven will impregnate a woman at "some college party" any time soon.

With US Catholics the most liberal of all Catholics, and their children more liberal still, I wonder how these institutions are able to maintain the fiction that their faculties and student bodies represent the views of a bunch of old men in red robes.

For the Pop is bland and full of Errors.

Infusions are fine. Cucumber/Thai basil makes a killer martini. It's the artificially sweetened and flavored crap vodkas that are the problem.

If you count shooting someone in the face while hunting a gaffe, Dick Chaney counts too. =)

I've cast Joe Biden as the loveable, sage, yet occasionally bumbling cat-daddy uncle in my life. Like you want to get married just to hear the epic toast he'll deliver at your reception. Like he gave you money behind your parents' backs so you could have a good time. Like he drives a convertible on his way to VP-smash…

It's a celeb thing. Exhibit A: