Stop eating and send them all your money and you’ll very quickly find out. 

What a waste of a perfectly good Cessna C501.

Swamp-a-googoo is the perfect sanitarium for deluded lobotomized people being held hostage in marriages they richly deserve, with their every need catered to, never having to see their captors (I mean, ‘spouses’) and three square sedations a day.

“Who cares what your positions are, how much money were you able to raise?”

What the hell kind of Coppola can’t identify a shallot from an onion from garlic?

What if this is a total Rick Sanchez move to just get him out the door so he’s not interfering with R&M production?

I get requests to attend professional conferences and conventions all the time, Florida, Georgia, Alabama...all of them, NOPE!

I counted SEVEN COPS on the scene, with more showing up after the shooting. How many of the unloaded on this guy? There was no thinking, they just emptied their clips. Their adrenalin was obviously through the roof, and they just kept firing until their clips were empty.

Men are from Mars, Kellyanne is from the Klingon Home World. 

ID.3 must be being run by an Intel i3. If you want the i7, WELLLLLL bucko, that’s going to cost ya!

My Audi Avants too. If any car was designed for it, they’re the poster boy, yet, no. Nor lay-flat back seats, which even Chrysler managed to master decades ago. An old Citroen wagon I had in Switzerland had that and sold me on the feature for-evah!

I know, right? My Audi wagons STILL don’t have that, and I don’t understand why. Of all the goofy shit they load vehicles up with these days, that one super-practical feature could seal a deal for me. Throw in auto-open, auto-close and it’s a guaranteed sale. 

In the summer, you’re right. I get up, make coffee around 4, sit outside and wait for the sun to come up (actually, in the summer, it’s already up by then) listen to what’s left of the birds, hear the town wake up, then get moving. My wife can’t live without the Cool Fire on, preferably with Wayne Brady or Drew Carey…

Me and the Mrs. We watch CBS in SPITE of Gayle “F-O-O” King. We like Tony and a lot of the correspondents, like Charlie D’Agata. We just have our coffee, wake up gently while we feed the kids, and then flush it. The first hour is all I stick around for, the wife a little longer. Second hour is what I cal The Bullshit…

All that Chardonnay finally got to Hoda.

My wife insisted on dragging me to a musical, which I ordinarily wouldn’t be caught dead at. “You’ll love it, it was done by those South guys!” she said. I had no idea what the hell she was on about (I seldom do) but when I saw the handbill for the show, “Book Of Mormon” as we sat down, I thought “ok....”

Me three. I bought mine in Deutschland, and was the first in Baden Baden.

The ghost of Baba Wawa. 

America’s Mayor Rudy Guiliani? 

The other crazy-ass voices in her head.