And then that disgusting human being headed to Orlando and became a mass shooter. We’ve all heard the news. Butter on a tuna fish sandwich one day-shooter the next.

I’m pro on grilled sammies.

Mayo and mustard are equally disgusting.

I feel you artisinal mayo shop. My rent is 16 days late. But who’s counting.

He’s never even stopped by MY house in skimpy underwear.

THANK you.

He's british? I don't understand who he is.

Calvin! Calvin! Who are you? What do you do? I just realized I have heard your name many times and I don’t know what you are? A musician? An actor? A quirky dog walker? A gynecologist? A sports player of some sort? A DJ? What is it Calvin? Where do you come from? What you? Who you? Why you? What is your thoughts in…

I can and WILL say that Bush contributed heavily to the rise of ISIS

I know. I know.

You’re lucky he can go to school. Every time I take my dog to a preschool interview we’re laughed out of the room.

Except you choosing to not have children means the rest of society is raising the children that will be your doctors, lawyers, care workers some day. They're putting in that hard work so you don't have to, and yet you will benefit from their work.

I gave my dog vaccines. He grew up never even learning to talk. He poops outside in public. He refuses to wear pants. He can’t read or write.

aw! Feel better!

Ms Coffee, a feminist Jew lady, walks in with a coffee in one hand and a handful of tampons in the other. Both refreshingly hip and wickedly old fashioned she’s unafraid to crack whipsharp jokes harkening to the wonder years. “Hey,” Ms coffee said leaning over, her lady breasts gleaming with sugar, “what’s black and…

An absolutely normal week...unfortunately.

I mean look at the difference in numbers per 100,000 people. Can you explain that?

You put a hat on your head you SLUT.

Oh come on. What if they HAD cast glover as Spider-Man? A radio active kid who can shoot spider webs out of his hands played by a black guy? That would have just been unrealistic. You can only suspend your disbelief SO FAR.

YOU WONT TAKE ME ALIVE.