Yes I do the cooking, yes I do tue cleaning, yes I keep my nana real sweet for your eating...? Nnnnnooo, thanks. Nicki Minaj is not speaking as a woman in this song, but as a really fancy, highly coveted toy made for men. Like an Xbox you could fuck. It’s so boring.

I’ve always hated crowded coffee shops that call out people’s names (often after they’ve written them down wrong) and then get mad when you don’t immediately hear them. It feels shitty to have the failings of a disorganized system be blamed on you.

Spreading rumors like “Kevin Federline is the new Hamburglar” is the entire reason that Twitter exists.

Brownback doesn’t stop with the tip, he goes in deep when it comes to fucking America.

Sounds more like she semi-rescued it.

you seem fun

Throughout it all, several of the assembled black students point out that she’s resisting arrest and speculate what would’ve happened to them if they’d done the same.

I’m a very tall lady — 6’2” to be exact. As such, I’ve attracted my share of insecure men who haaaaate it that I am taller than them and aren’t shy about letting me know it.

Write-in vote for Fran Drescher.

Newly single, I ran into this hot guy I was acquainted with at a bar after my band played a show. I was like "Hey, I know you. What's your name again?"

He told me his name and my next question was "Wanna go make out in your car?"

It was a glorious summer day in drawing class so we all went out to the historical cemetery on campus to sketch. I was wearing a red sundress and I decided that I really wanted to get the attention of this one guy I'd been checking out all term.

Well, that can't be a good sign then.

Quick, somebody tell people like Abbott and Paxton (and Louie "Gomer Pyle" Gohmert, my rep in college) that the Onion article about compulsory gay marriage is real.

She's right, I just love hearing the female genitalia referred to as "down there." Seriously, how did this woman graduate high school?

If someone pees in public they must register as a sex offender. If someone beats up their partner, the police doesn't give a damn, until there's one or more dead bodies. Why not make them register somewhere, too?

Well, that was a nugget of wisdom dropping like a turd into a toilet.

This is the type of article that Jezebel has been lacking of late. I really wish one of you would take up the torch and run a regular feature regarding reproductive rights / women's rights.

I could totally live without another fangirl piece on a pop star ever appearing on Jezebel.

Holy crap, this leads to a horrifying thought.

I recently had an adult neighbor sprint to my house and pound on my door yelling for police help shortly after I got home from work one morning (I wear a police uniform home and people in the area know who I am so I assumed it was an emergency, got out of bed and answered in my jammies).

Turns out he was out and about…