Add in the large percentage who have no idea how to disable the default signature on the email device of their choosing

Either the average Deadspin reader is dumber than I thought (likely) or this is an extremely convoluted joke about what sort of person uses each webmail service.

“I am a 59 year old...”

I’m sorry for your loss, and it’s clearly a nice touchstone for you to honor your father’s memory. With that being said:

Let me start by saying I am sorry for your loss and sharing football with your dad is a cool thing that I wish I got to enjoy.

Your dad would be proud at what an insufferable fuck you’ve grown into. Good to know you’re the only person who’s ever suffered loss in the world.

Warriors third game in four days. Most teams have trouble winning those—even the Warriors.

The light-colored ones have grit. The darker ones are the ath-a-letes.

His name is Jason Pierre Paw.

Then you are not as liberal as they come. You’re not that liberal at all, actually.

Me reading your comment: “What about Tim Dunc — oh... yeah, sounds about right.”

Frank Mason III, Mitch Lightfoot, Lagerald Vick, Tucker Vang, Josh Jackson, Carlton Bragg

I’m not exactly sure how to properly thank you for this great piece, so I will just say that I could read multiple novels written by you about hand-wrapping.

+1 quack

This movie was the reason I brushed my teeth so diligently when I was younger. I was horrified that, should I not, my parents would take me to see Coach Wolf “The Dentist” Stansson.

“Güd würk, Captun Duck!”

Fuck the Icelandic team so hard. They were the villains that defined my childhood.

Less go shake der hans

“Old man doesn’t understand how voting works, wants someone to tell him how to feel about things: The story of the 2016 Election.”

Instead the Warriors announced they are going with their second choice: SFPD Inspector Harry Callahan.