Typically not, but when I shake off, it’s like a wet dog. All bets are off as to where the stray drops land.

I bet his hands are just filthy. He has the look about him of someone who doesn’t wash their hands enough. And I say this as a man who frequently “forgets” to wash his hands after peeing.

Had a buddy in college who I witnessed eating gummy worms and beer for dinner on multiple occasions. He went on to be a doctor.

This is true. I taught my son what “shooting for distance” was a few years ago. My wife remains steadfastly unamused.

It’s not. However, I will walk past our bathroom to pee outside in the yard. Far superior experience.

I have a urinal in the basement, and can’t imagine living without it. And by urinal, I mean utility sink.

OK, Fuck No! My wife already has washcloths, hand towels, makeup towels, dish towels, guest towels, kid towels, and towel towels. And woe be unto you if you get them mixed up. I’m not adding dedicated butthole towels to the equation.

Once in high school I had to use a port-o-potty in August at a Pantera show. You have not seen the depths of Hell until you’ve seen a shithouse brimming full to the seat and beyond at a Pantera concert.

Nah. There’s no gay undertones about bidets. Just nobody has them in America, so we’re kind of scared and confused about how to use them. Do I wipe first? Will it get me as clean? Do I need to use soap like I do when washing my hands?

+1 star for the comment, and +1 STD for the handle.

Agreed. We put a man on the moon, and I’m still wiping my ass with wadded handfuls of paper like an animal?

What’s the procedure? Wipe first, rinse, then wipe again to dry?

By extremely similar, do you mean exactly that?

I’m sure a lot of them do. I, however, am a dude and have the body of a weight lifter who drinks too much beer. So I stick by my dozens of dollars weekly earning potential. My target demographic would be married moms looking to be disappointed by someone other than their husbands. Not exactly the biggest spenders. 

The only thing worse than the summer Olympics is MLS. There, I said it!

This is accurate. We’re all so white in Wisconsin, we look like ghosts.

Which I should have mentioned is Fing awesome.

The grilled cheese looks like a take on Greek fried cheese, Saganaki.

Stripping. I bet I could make dozens of dollars a week stripping.