Like Vince Lombardi once said, “Why read something when you can watch something?”

Ah yes I remember telling all my buddies about this newfangled Internet in 2014 and they looked at me like I was crazy! But look at them all now, just 3 years later, with their smartphones and Personal Computers.

Why do you think these things you stated will happen? I used the internet free as a bird before net neutrality took place. No blocked websites, no special prices for video sites, no clowns in the sewers waiting to steal my soul.

I’m pretty sure the government has my best interests at heart...

Well you shouldn’t eat wood stain in the first place.

I was taking a big pot of bouillabaisse to a family dinner and it turned over in the back of the suv. In case you are not familiar with this dish, it contains assorted shellfish and other seafood. I come from a family of cleaning fanatics and I tried everything until the stains came out. That took weeks and during…

Deadspin called to say that I was PROBABLY gonna be ungreyed, but I would have to agree to stop half-assing my comments. I said probably is no good, and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

Zoom in on that photo and you’ll see all the brown ones are lying down flat like they’re dead or something.

The sound of all those insects bonking into the camera is surreal.

Way to go ‘full-asshole...’ Pretty rude dude. Guess Santa is gonna come down the chimney to shart in your shoes this year...

For Thanksgiving McAdoo plans on making his signature “mashed potatoes”. The secret ingredient is the white, starchy ground tuber. His roast turkey will be stuffed with something McAdoo whimsically calls stuffing, made with cubes of hearty, crunchy “stale bread”. He is also making a sauce from something called a…

Love it! Bemoaning the treatment of other people and talking about “slaying bitches” all in the same breath. Doesn’t get much better than that!

Guys.

I voted for Trump because I want to hear someone read “Donald Trump’s Gross Tennis Ass” on a microphone at the awards.

Fricassee gator run a slim jim nawlins nawlins gumbo who dat.

a clinical professor at Brown

Federal Express to Flavortown is Guy Fieri’s nickname for a blowjob.

Gotta say, nothing goes better with some Za than about a thousand cold ones. Also love me some Chos and Top shelf Margs. Really living the Dream, you guys.

More like allowed in crossfit. Kipping pull ups and this deadlift form! Go Team!

Dihydrogen Monoxide is especially dangerous, and it's everywhere, it's in our pipes, in our taps, in our food, even in our bodies!!