You’re misquoting him. What he actually said was “Perfection is not attainable. Accept for that hot dame in the 3rd row at the 45 yard line wearing the cheese hat and snowmobile suit. Straight 10, homey”.

Sorry you’re catching so much guff for this, dude.

It’s really depressing that the comment you replied to has 93 stars as of this moment, and you have only 5 (including mine).

My mom, a chemistry teacher, would love this joke. She used to have her students read an article about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide and report their reactions as part of the class.

Gimme that drink!

Dude, you should totally try my homemade majornaise. See, I call it majornaise, because it’s majorly better than store bought. I use cage-free eggs and organic emu oil. You’ll never look at that store bought crap the same way.

He really Munsoned himself there.

This is even more unbelievable than Trump’s yarn. We all know nobody gets out of the greys on Deadspin anymore.

This kinja is an excellent vintage.

Cause they’re good!

Guy working for me years ago was transporting mice one summer from the pet store for the pythons he raised (so technically this IS a good story). They escaped the carton in his trunk, and he was only able to recover 11 of the 12. Died somewhere in the car, and it smelled like the apocalypse for weeks. 

Surreal my ass. It’s the most awful thing I’ve heard since an untimely bout of diarrhea + a vomitty hangover forced me to do terrible, terrible things.

Never mind the hum. The sound of so many hornets smacking into the camera is a nightmare I can’t contemplate. This is the bravest man on Earth.

What’s your point?

Damn, these people are savage on Thanksgiving! Must be all the whiskey Claire encouraged us to sneak into our dishes.

Ima use this threat on my kids if they don’t clean up all these goddamn Legos. Thanks for the inspiration!

Counterpoint:...nevermind. You’re right.

Didn’t see this article until this morning. Should I start a fight tonight instead?

This comment will be the prayer I offer at our Thanksgiving table.

I know it’s not a state, but the pronunciation of Milwaukee by Wisconsin natives is the fucking worst: Mu-wa-key. I know you see that “il” in there, you physical embodiment of a cheese wheel having a heart attack.