At least your reason is more pure than mine usually is: “I smelled of gin. Not just casually, as if I had taken four or five drinks of a winter morning to get out of bed on, but as if the Pacific Ocean was pure gin and I had nosedived off the boat deck. The gin was in my hair and eyebrows, on my chin and under my…

Curious: How many corporate folks out there have asked for a raise? I’ve only worked for medium sized companies that have defined evaluation/raise cycles.

Don’t forget the takes about how you haven’t had “real” Key Lime Pie unless you’ve been to the Keys.

Once in college, I made a pie with raspberry and rhubarb (πr2...stupid kinja, no superscript) to impress a hot lady engineer. I did not get laid.

Considered snarking on you for not having the correct figure for pi. Came to the conclusions that I am a tool instead.

Come on, guys, sexual assault isn’t fu...Holy shit those are some great jugs. Everybody, come look at these great jugs!

Close: It’s Terry Lennox that quotes the mix.

Blame those sneaky Brits!

Do these guys wear cups? There’s a very slight delayed reaction that makes me think it’s the result of the pain of a cup getting blasted against his pelvis versus a knockout dick punch.

Po-ta-toe, Po-tah-toe.

Please don’t judge all white people solely on the actions of John Malkovich.

Sweet Jebus, please let them sign Romo as the starter, and RGIII as the backup. Both will be all fucked up and out for the season 8 minutes into the first quarter of game 1.

+1 shattered lumbar.

Come on, bro, it’s a giant receptacle full of water, and it even has a drain built in. It’s a mega-toilet...to tempting. Like setting a Naked Chicken Chalupa in front of a starving man, and telling him it’s not food.

Also super fun: Watching some duchebro crossfitter at my gym fuck up the landing and face plant onto the box.

Gimlets. Half gin, half Rose’s lime juice. Philip Marlowe approves.

Was it the Hiawatha from Milwaukee to Chicago? That thing hits homeless people all the time. It’s like a hobo magnet.

Also, not cooking the chicken is faster and will help you lose weight. Now that’s a lifehack you can take to the bank (and by bank, I mean grave).

I’ve found they usually draw the line at coming by your place to cook it for you, though.

Bonus lifehack: Try it with whole turkeys (who the hell needs an entire turkey unless it’s Thanksgiving), lobsters (that shit’s expensive), and cans of tuna (so you don’t have to open it yourself).