Wait, it’s free now at Qdoba? Where have I been?

Is that you, Magary! I hope someone replaces your cereal milk with mayonnaise.

You had me at wind chime.

Helloooooooo Super Bowl app.

Goddammit, you stole my blog idea. Well, on to “It’s easier to be thin when you don’t like eating”.

There goes the theory that more sleep helps you lose weight.

[Plucks low hanging fruit].

I’m glad someone finally has the balls to speak truth. I love guac. Love it. But the only way I eat it straight is to taste it as I’m preparing.

Fuck that. There’s a reason Chipotle and Qdoba charge extra for guac and just slop salsa on like it’s ketchup.

This is a terrible take. Guac with cumin or Valentina hotsauce is the absolute tits.

Nah. This is fine. But I do generally agree with you. Get the fuck out of here with your “natch”, “totes”, and “def”.

I had always heard you don’t cook avocado, so it would have never occurred to me to grill it. Now I’m obsessed to try this. What’s it like?

They have no duty to consent.

You should have shown him how to drink coffee properly too. Black, no sugar, unwashed mug you’ve been using every day for months.

I stand by my poor judgement. I’m a lazy and impatient man ahead of the times.

Holy shit. I will give you all the monies for that. All of them.

Washed an oriental rug with a hose on my deck. Rug was still dirty and smelly, but also weighed like 500 lbs. Smelled worse afterwards. Bad idea.

Used a vacuum to pick up a huge pile of Legos my kids spread all over the carpet. Ended up with shopvac full of hairy, dusty Legos. And a crabby wife. Still better than picking up those Legos though.  

Tried to make “super-coffee”. Made coffee the regular way, then used that coffee instead of water to make another pot of coffee. Never do this.

Ug. This is just a complete lack of understanding of the constitution. Whoever is nominated and confirmed by the Senate takes the seat on the Supreme Court. It doesn’t belong to someone just because they were nominated. Also, we don’t elect the president by popular vote. There is no national office elected by a…