Goddammit. More stars.

Regarding the Ultimate Pooper, I have some advice: The Forbidden Three. Take three Imodium, and you’ll be capped off tight. You won’t crap for two day’s afterwords, but it beats shitting your pants. The Forbidden Three would stop a fucking clock.

Take your +1 and get the hell off my roof.

Nah, Brah, this Santa digs on Rock Star energy drinks Jack Links. Get that soft shit out of here.

That would probably be a mistake, and exactly the point of index funds. But what’s your investment strategy?

Christ. I’m just going to start referring to Chad Whatshisname as Nickelback from now on.

For a guy who was just pissing and moaning about income inequality (alternate title “I make bad decisions...why am I still poor?” of “I was promised $15 and hour, but now I use foodstamps to buy groceries at a self checkout) in a recent article, you’re not helping. More and more investors are investing in index funds…

Shhhhh. Don’t let on that we know they’re self destructing until we control 45 or so governors’ mansions. 

NDA’s shouldn’t be against the law, but I agree they should be illegal in government. The challenge in this case is that Trump isn’t officially working for the government yet, so nothing he does is covered by and FOIA request unless the communication is with a government employee.

Well put.

This line of thinking is why Trump won (didn’t vote for him, BTW).

Wanted to love this one as much as the original, but left disappointed.

You’re shitting us, right? There’s security camera footage of him “stopping by the vehicle on his lunch break”. It’s pretty hard to miss a toddler in the back seat.

This guy is a disgusting human being who murdered his kid in one of the worst ways imaginable.

Is that you, Jill Stein?

I have done this (dear Lord, please forgive me), but can attest that margarine (once again, please forgive me, God) is better in this application.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that the sandwich isn’t really grilled!

This is some judicial activism bullshit. I can’t believe that an admission of a guy drugging a woman and having sex with her is allowable evidence in a trial where the guy is accused of drugging women and having sex with them.

Masterful work. The joke was obvious yet unexpected, and you didn’t feel the need to close out with a “get it?” post-script. Truly nice work.

This is why kinja is some bullshit. When I try to add additional stars, it just toggles back to unstarred.