I've never seen jersey looking that elegant.

The only American abortion is to have the baby, and then leave it in a national forest to be carried away by bald eagles.

I got the women in science set for Christmas and am 32. Appropriate for all ages!

Wait, some proposals come with chocolate cake? I am rapidly revising my stance on marriage!

My grandmother told me that the Amish were stealing things from her porch. No, you don't always believe what your grandmother says.

As someone who is losing a lot of iron right now (thanks female biology) I think I need some raisin toast.

It's the raised eyebrow of a Texas oilman's wife, when the county sheriff drives up to her rambling ranch-style mansion, asking where her husband's at, and, as she kicks a little more dirt onto the slightly raised mound of fresh soil at her feet, asks the sheriff if he'd like to come in for a little drink.

Also, is this *not* the sweatshop system? It's not like we have any way of checking the working conditions, coercion, or abuse in these places. The grand old tradition of the British workhouse was supposed to be an alternative to prostitution, too.

If someone pitches a script about this particular set of cross-dressing jewel thieves, I'm 100% certain it should be called "Inside Man"

Any day now, we're going to discover that Taco Bell is the largest single funder in the marijuana legalization campaigns. Because seriously, they're trying to corner that market.

My dog never plays the pianoforte, or crochets doilies, or serves tea to my business associates.

I'm an AI researcher, so I developed an app to decide the color of the dress.

Ew. Male bleeding.

Also, "female bleeding"? Female bleeding is when I nick myself with an xacto knife and stomp around my apartment screaming swear words.

Dementors suck all the happiness out of people, which means that the Dementors themselves are *full of happiness*. That's just physics.

MONK FIGHT!

Martin's West, a gastropub in Redwood City, does scotch eggs with *quail eggs*. It raises the number that you can eat without damaging yourself, plus increases the sausage-and-fried/egg ratio. I get them every year for my birthday.

That sounds fantastic. Yeah, no reason that cheesy has to be sex-themed cheese (especially if the bride isn't into it). Other cheesy activities:

Consider how you are dressed.

We filled her hair with raw eggs! Then piled it high and covered it with plastic!