And for God’s sake, use a tailor’s measuring tape! Using one of those Stanley construction measuring tapes is the quickest way to cut your tweet so bad, you’ll be out of commission for weeks.

Ron Howard (narrator): He totally eats people.

Child, keep up. If you fall too far behind, we’re not coming back to get you, m’kay?

But they were so much better than the ‘Liers tonight!

What have you done? I’ll tell you. You’ve made a sandwich that is arguably the best and worst sandwich at the same time. Health-wise the worst and taste-wise the best. You’ve made a sandwich that drives one person to ecstasy and several others to agony when they’re left with a bucket of skinless chicken to enjoy.

I know this is a joke, but he actually does! He’s a bench warmer for the UC Irvine Anteaters. (Zot!)

With the Clips having two picks in the first, I am left wondering: Does Doc have any more kids?

I hope Mr. Lee is ready for the backlash. Country radio will most certainly stop playing his albums.

This equivocating bullshit - “good people on both sides.” The worst part of switching to Kinja is that you can’t outright block people like in the previous commenting platform. I would love to go an article without having to read a dumbshit take from people like big prinz.

It sounds like a human saying “Laurel,” or a gremlin saying “Yanny.”

I heard “Yanny” at first, and then it switched to “Laurel,” and then I could make it switch back and forth if I concentrated, and now I mostly just hear “Laurel.” Weird.

I hear both. A man in a deep voice saying Laurel and a higher pitched old man or woman saying Yanny in a crackly voice.

There are certain issues that there’s no in between - it’s either okay or it’s not - and this is one of them. If democrats don’t have a definitive stand on this, then what do they actually stand for?

So Haspel just made the “I’m sorry if you were offended” apology and it worked.

Hey dude! Long time no see.

This, but the opposite

I listened on earbuds, I listened on speakers, I listened on noise-canceling headphones! And I hear the same thing every dang time!!!!!

EVEN WITH THE BASS ADJUSTMENT I CAN ONLY HEAR LAUREL! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!! THERE IS NO WEBMD ASSESSMENT FOR THIS YET!!!

That shit switched from Yanny to Laurel on me and now I’m bugging out. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, PATRICK.

I hear “You’ll never earn the love of your father, stop chasing it.”