Fast food trying to screw the poor seems self defeating.

I need a three row 6000 pound SUV because I have a kid and a dog.

The reason to turn on Airplane Mode is because your phone will continuously search for a signal while in the air and drain your battery. 

This is no longer as prevalent as it once was, but I used to hear people say they wouldn’t wear their seatbelt because it could trap them in case of a crash and they’d be safer without it.

Yeah, I’d probably have air rage too if someone was loudly talking on a cell phone for an entire flight right next to me while being forced to sit in incredible cramped seats and paying $6 for a small cup of soda.

The real reason is this: airlines think people won’t stop yapping on their cell phones during flights, leading to more instances of “air rage.” That’s why regulators continue to ban phone calls and data usage on planes; it’s just plain annoying.

I can pronounce them easily due to the fact that I’m a lush.

I guess I’m more of an oenophile than I thought, because I’ve never had any trouble pronouncing those, and I failed French. Twice.

“All of these varieties are French, a notoriously tricky language for Americans to get right”

Disney people are really weird.

 This is a stupid idea that appeals to a tiny percentage of the audience. BRING BACK INTERMISSION. That’s what will make bank.

Pretty sure we had purple tomatoes decades ago, how else would we have purple ketchup???

Yes per usual corporate America sits around scratching their heads wondering why people aren’t buying as much X as they used to do. It certainly can’t be that it’s gone up in price 40% over the last few years. 

The pig really is the most delicious animal. 

Yeah, no. When Oscar Meyer crap bacon is $10/lb, there is a reason its not selling. I love making carnitas or throwing a pork shoulder in the instapot, but I haven’t bought bacon in years.

Nothing says rugged, all-terrain, all-weather vehicle like one you have to wash the minute it gets dirty and also never get wet.

This was my favorite line: