While they’re at it, bring back the PlayLands with the metal playground equipment. Kids don’t need their teeth anyway, they’ll grow a new set! 

Can we just call it “The fookie?”

A reminder to readers of The Takeout that its staff has been holding so-far-fruitless negotiations for better pay and working conditions and have authorized a strike if nothing is settled by today — check the Onion Union’s social media sites to see if a strike happens so you don’t accidentally check the Takeout,…

Fast food breakfast: No

I just can’t imagine any situation where “go out and get breakfast” is more appealing than “not doing that.”  If it was on the way to something, the choice between “stopping for breakfast” or “not devoting any time to that” it might be close.

If more people are working from home, doesn’t it stand to reason that fewer folks are getting fast-food breakfasts and lunches? I mean, the research is comparing pre-pandemic to post-pandemic, right?

Boys, I think we dun found ourselfs a commie!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not get crazy here. 

Have they tried better pay and conditions, so people don’t have to work until their sanity breaks, instead? Seems like a gimme to me.

As a non-American I only know 4 of the 18 names here. And as an old person I’m just going to go ahead and grumpily declare that Gen Z doesn’t know what they’re doing. 

Gen Z can afford to eat at Ruth’s Chris’s weirdly named Steakhouse’s?

I’m going to stick to my Tide Pods, thank you very much!

Bananas are a monoculture so it doesn’t matter where you buy them anywhere in the world or whether you buy organic or conventional. Unless they look funny (small, red, plantain, etc) they are Cavendish bananas and clones of each other.

Welcome to the world of highly allocated products, Brandon. You either win the lottery, pay extra on a secondary market, or decide you can live without it.

Dannis, I beg of you, please never use any variation of “break the Internet” ever again. That phrase needs to die an ignominious death.

Subway doesn’t seem to understand their customers.

Yeah, but is it because it’s so good or just because it’s new and there’s literally only one location? Sonic and Krispy Kreme used to be really popular when they first opened here too, but now, there’s hardly a line at either. Also, their food offerings look pretty meh. I was expecting a bit more than egg McMuffins…

The burger store ran out of burgers, interesting.

I work at shoprite, don’t make much more than minimum wage - and I can tell you at least in my store, on my shift those slicers are cleaned so well I’d happily serve my own grandmother anything off them. Not all of us are lazy and incompetent - in fact most of the people I work with bust their rears every shift.

I had a motorized meat slicer in my kitchen for years. Nothing over the top or industrial grade but it was great for more than just slicing meats; good for certain cheeses and veggies too. You could get paper-thin onion slices.