But if I stop hornyposting on Twitter, how will everyone in the world know what a sexy man-god I am without my getting off the internet and into the real world, where the web of lies I’ve been weaving on social media about my prowess and numerous conquests and availability falls completely apart under the mildest…

I’m always somewhat impressed by how reliably the feed jumps to another spot just as I tap the link to an article. Whatever scummy thing they’re pulling to get an ad hit twofer, it’s working.

Eh, seems preferable to dealing with the IRS when cashing out.

100 percent with you. I don’t understand the Rat Pack nostalgia to begin with, and nothing about this movie changed that.

A true classic.

Pfft, yeah, these dumb-dumbs don’t even know that an optical system’s defocus aberration is characteristic of its aperture.

That’s likely because the term was popularized within the context of a major Western interest in Japanese art and culture that existed around the turn of the millennium.

Chief Gansett is not going to be happy that you misspelled his beer.

There’s that infamous episode where Mr. Ed manipulates Wilbur into shooting up the Department of Agriculture offices, but CBS destroyed all the tapes.

“How about an Oliver Closehoff? . . . nope, him neither.”

And here I thought gluing one to a jetpack was the worst thing Conan ever did to raccoons.

The only “Aqua Teen” spinoff I want is “Spacecataz 2: The Search for More Spacecataz.”

I bet she gives great helmet.

Hey, it’s better than “y’all.” People up here in New England have been using “ya’ll” lately, and every time I hear it I just wanna scream, “Well if you love the South so much, why don’t you go down there and marry it, you Reb-tugging carpetbagger?”

AP style allows use of the singular “they,” so it’s pretty much by function a concept that can be understood by high schoolers.

Not even the beloved Dame Judi Dench?

Separated at birth?

“Under the Cherry Moon” is no shining example of healthy relationships, either.

If I had a time machine, I’d go back and slap whoever it was told you that you were smart really hard square in the face.

This would be a stronger argument if our criminal justice system operated in a manner even vaguely in the neighborhood of blind.