No, Californians SAY they hate Chick-Fil-A because it’s the politically correct answer. But they continue to go there and eat the food, because, let’s face it, it’s delicious.

God I wish Obama were still President. Trump has turned Drew into everything he mocked before. Practically every column has to begin with something to the effect of ‘DURRR, TRUMP!”, “DURRR, GOP!” or “DURRR, GLOBAL WARMING!”

The best place to have a kid birthday party is a park near your house. Unless you’ve got a really uptight municipal code enforcement crew, you’re probably not going to get hassled having a cooler of beer, you can barbecue, there’s a place for kids to play, etc., but you don’t have to deal with the mess at your house…

I know that, on a personal level, Sunday’s Vikings game must’ve been soul-crushing for you, but objectively speaking, this has got to be one of the greatest regular seasons of the NFL in a long time, right? Every time slot of football has been phenomenal. The LIONS pantsed the wretched, vile evil Patriots in…

And now we have the basic plot to make Caddyshack 3!

I’m three stories in, and we’ve got one guy who quit because he got caught trying to steal from his business, one guy who quit because he didn’t want to fix his mistake, and one guy who quit because he wasn’t following the dress code. Should I read on, or are they all entitled assholes?

You just blew my mind.  I had no idea Cousin Vicki was Jane Krakowski.

“Great Moments in Poop History” eventually just became “Long, Boring & Fake Stories About Pooping”

God has no sense of SPACING and I resent Him for it.

Maybe if the Browns go 0-0-16 we’ll be sucked out of this terrible timeline and back into the one where Biff never got his hands on the Sports Almanac.

Great!

Best Bachelor party I’ve ever been to was an all-day smoking class that taught us how to smoke an entire pig: ribs, shoulder, sausages, plus chicken and sides. You tended the fire and drank all day, then ate like kings as everything came off the smoker throughout the day before passing out at 8:30 PM thanks to a full…

In N Out and Wisconsin. 

You beat the Steelers twice last year, and crushed the dreams of the worst fans in sports. For that I will be grateful. Other than that, another anonymous team that on one cares about.

I didn’t lose anything. I don’t play or root for the Saints, nor the “7.” I root for the 38. Get lost.

I don’t completely blame Drew given how much the Vikings have sucked for his entire adult life, but this WYTS is basically the Deadspin equivelent of:

Yeah, he overdid it a bit.  All I can ask for (38-7) is that he keeps the same enthusiasm (38-7) for when his Vikings (38-7) come up shortly (38-7).

God, I hate the Saints but Drew finally found a way to make one of these WYTS that is genuinely unenjoyable. I guess the upshot is he now gets to look forward to Cousins throwing the ball three yards passed Diggs in heavy traffic before yelling at him.

Nonsense! And I also know that if you put a plunger around your Ethernet cable you can suck more Internet out, so HA!

Putting clothespins on power cords to save money by keeping electricity from escaping as waste is one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard. If people who believe this have kids that go to your kid’s school, you need to find your kid a new school.