Thank you! Nope, not littermates. Just buddies. I adopted them when they were both about two months old, although the gray one is believed to be a week older than the black one (they were both strays dropped off at the local humane society, so it’s a total best-guess situation), so they were raised together from…

Monsters! Here’s one from way back:

Except then even when it exists at the state level, you will still have people coming back to chip away at it. See the Oregon ballot measure. This shit is never, *ever* going to end.

(John Lurie *is* The Legendary Marvin Pontiac. He is also a musician, painter and actor. His best-known roles are in Jim Jarmusch films, and TLMP is his best-known and most widely-praised album. That’s why you need to check it out. One of his paintings was called Bear Surprise, and it features a bear surprising a…

I’m choosing to believe he shouted, “SPOILER ALERT, MOTHERFUCKER!” every time he brought the blade down. If it was indeed a habit, you *know* someone told the dude to knock it off multiple times. This is the part where everyone sings the chorus to Cell Block Tango.

Ooh, drop everything and check out The Legendary Marvin Pontiac RIGHT NOW. You can thank me later. I’m SO JEALOUS you get to experience that album for the first time. 

Um. High Jackman is godfather to TWO OF RUPERT MURDOCH’S KIDS. Buddies with those two? I would have been surprised if he wasn’t.

Wait, Milk Duds are on there, but Sugar Daddies/Babies are not? This list is broken!

I just told someone my cats’ costumes were factory-installed: Salem Saberhagen and Church from the original Pet Sematary.

You’re completely missing my point. Yes, I realize that was the idea. What I’m saying is that they picked the wrong place to break the words because “Blexit” is not intuitive, and it sounds like a sound effect word from Mad Magazine. 

Wow, I cannot believe the branding fail here. It should have been “Blaxit.” “Blexit” sounds waaaaay too much like “blech sit.” I understand they’re trying to echo Brexit, but, dude, poor portmanteau-ing. 

Ooh! Headstones! I have a bootleg of them performing that one live at some bar! The Buffalo Nickel Lounge, maybe? They also recorded it for an album about five years ago. Man, I love that band. I’ve never encountered someone in the wild who knows who they are before.

Have you put her litter box outside? That is always the first suggestion I see on my cats-are-awesome group whenever someone’s kitty goes on walkabout.

Important PSA! If you want to see the Oregon Zoo elephants doing this live, the Squishing of the Squash is NEXT FRIDAY MORNING. One of these years, I will get my act together and take that day off, but this is not that year.

I think you underestimate the power of gaudiness. This are so magically tacky that I would absolutely buy them and wear them every day during November and December — for multiple years — if they were Doc Martens (my feet are too wide for most boots designed for women’s feet, so I stick to Docs).

One of my coworkers *loved* the Matt Damon sketch last week and could not understand why I refuse to watch it. Dude. No. This is not a situation I can find any humor in *at all*. No, funny is *not* always funny. It is *always* subjective. My double-X chromosomes will laugh just as soon as they are allowed to go full…

No clue. It felt like it just suddenly started out of nowhere about fifteen years ago, although in retrospect, it had given me stomach cramps for years that I had just ignored. I remember reading somewhere that beef is one of the most difficult foods for your system to digest, so I have just chalked it up to that, and…

Personally, I was hoping she was wearing suede boots, and the baby elephant took a ginormous shit on them. 

Dear Orrin Hatch: I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll stop hammering at you fuckwits about this as soon as you allow people who can get pregnant to make their own decisions about their health. Do we have a deal?

Huh. I just realized I’ve never had a Costco hotdog. When I was younger, all of the chemicals in them were migraine triggers. Now that I’ve apparently outgrown that, beef makes me puke, and I’m fairly certain those are at least partly beef, not 100% pork or turkey/chicken.