Wow, I find it super fascinating that two virtually identical shoes can look so different. And by that, I mean that somehow the original shoe looks elegant, and the ripoff looks super gaudy and trashy. The floof across the top of the foot is much neater on the original (the ripoff looks like a catnip-infused feather…

Nevermind. Others beat me to the info. For some reason, Kinja didn’t want to load those comments until after I posted my response.

One time at trivia night a few years ago, you had to identify reality shows by cutouts of the cast photo. There was one I totally guessed at since I have no idea what any of those shows’ cast photos look like, and neither did any of my teammates. I guessed Real Housewives of some random city. It was Keeping Up With…

My summer reading list looks like that of a serial killer in training:

I *still* can’t believe my brother, our cousins, and I never got injured with lawn darts. We played with them pretty much every single time we were at our grandparents’ house, and my brother and I are legendary in our ability to injure ourselves at any time.

She is the Holocaust survivor, not him. I think that detail was added to point out that she went through *that* living hell, and she’s still getting insulted, humiliated, and generally treated like shit due to someone’s else’s beliefs.

That bikini bottom is shoved *way* too far up her ass crack to be comfortable. I am feeling a sympathetic wedgie just *looking* at it. Yes, I am middle-aged. And very, *very* thankful that the big fashion trend when I was her age was grunge.

I can just *hear* the calf’s inner monologue: MOOOOOOM, my friends are *right there*! Sigh. Maybe they won’t notice me if I stand completely still and pretend she’s not here.

When my kid brother was being a little jerk in public, our mom would always threaten him with “a smack.” It kept him in line every single time. What onlookers didn’t know was that in our family, “a smack” meant “embarrassingly overdramatic kiss on the cheek from your mom, which is JUST IS NOT COOL.”

The best part of hitting middle age is the absolute ceasing of giving a fuck.

Welp, feel free to argue with the Center for Disease Control. They’re the ones who provided this information.

There’s a new member of the Hot Topid/Torrid family, if you’re looking for juniors styles in plus sizes: Lovesick. There’s one at the mall down the road from me, and as far as style goes, if Torrid is targeting the Warped Tour crowd, Lovesick is going after the Coachella people. Their website is currently down,…

I keep waiting for the day when their exercising of their First Amendment rights get met with someone else exercising their own Second Amendment rights. I’m honestly a bit surprised it hasn’t happened already.

Cold brew would be fine, though, and is actually what I do whenever I want iced tea if I’m not at work (where the automatic ice maker lives). Tea bags in jug, tap water in jug over tea bags, throw it all in the fridge overnight. You just have to plan ahead, but if you drink a ton of tea, you might as well always have…

SUGAR-FREE POPSICLES. Best thing *ever*. You can eat an entire *box* of them and ingest fewer calories than are in a single cookie.

Um. Just FYI: You’re courting food poisoning there.

Unless you’re the kind of person whose stomach freaks out at dairy products when it’s hour out, always pick ice cream. If you’re that kind of person, pick dairy-free ice cream.

Wrong debate. She’s widely acknowledged as a snake. Correct debate: Anaconda or python?

Here’s the thing about MMMBop that explains to me why it’s epically catchy: It’s produced by the Dust Brothers. As in the producers of Paul’s Boutique (easily one of my top ten favorite albums if not my absolute favorite), Odelay (also very, very high on the list), and the Muppets from Space cover of Shooting Star.…

When I was very, very small (like so young I don’t even remember this), my dad would grow out his beard and mustache, and then he would periodically shave it off. I lost my shit — in a terrified screaming-bloody-murder way — the first time I saw him post-shave every single time. My mom finally figured out that if she…