Which one? The toilet paper? There’s not much to tell: There was a twelve-pack of rolls on the floor that I hadn’t put away yet. I accidentally whacked my foot on it — really, *really* hard. Pain and bruising ensued! The best part: It was right as I was going to bed, so I got to try to go to sleep while my foot was…

We must be related. My brother broke a tooth on plain old soft sandwich bread. And our dad had one just pop out in the middle of the night while sleeping.

I once had a coworker leer down the front of my not-revealing-at-all shirt and inform me that he would be all over me if he wasn’t dating someone *that he lived with*. He emphasized the *that he lived with* part. So I’m supposed to be impressed that you would cheat on a girlfriend you weren’t living with? Scum. I…

I broke a toe on TOILET PAPER while sober.

Yeah, what? Everyone knows he’s *Professor* Macklemore.

Conspiracy-starring-Kenneth-Branagh-and-Stanley-Tucci-meets-Philip-K.-Dick fucked.

The best part is how many of them are being threatened in their actual home districts by their constituents with being voted out if they *do* vote for it. They’re fucked either way. But they chose to dance with the devil in the first place, so I don’t feel bad for them at all.

If it got into the insulation and the seats, I’m pretty sure that’s it. You’re fucked. You will have to replace every bit of fabric and foam in that vehicle. It’s like cat pee on a couch. It never, *ever* comes out. But just in case, it might be worth calling a professional car detailer (like maybe someone experienced…

Ugh, Younique. Those people are so bad that a makeup forum I used to be on specifically name-checked it as a company that moderators carefully monitored mentions of to make sure people weren’t sneaking in self-promotions. That sort of thing was generally banned regardless of company, but Younique people were such a…

If you can get a DVD copy of Voodoo Academy, listen to the commentary track and the rough audio track. On the former, the director gets distracted at one point partway through whatever he was saying to point out, “He’s touching himself!” On the latter, there’s one scene where he gives the actors the direction “more…

And Steve Winwood. He was seventeen when he recorded Keep on Running and nineteen when he did I’m a Man with the Spencer Davis Group.

I wouldn’t have minded if the colors had been different since different shades of similar products will get me to try both, but they are practically identical on me, and to make it even more annoying, they aren’t even a color that looks good on me. They’re both too yellow with no pink or rose at all. And I don’t…

I got the same box with Watt’s Up and the Bobbi Brown shadow stick. I’m bummed because I don’t know how many of those Watt’s Up highlighters I have floating around, and the shadow stick is almost exactly the same as the one they sent out in November from, uh, Laura Mercier? I think. They also sent out boxes with…

I used to be really deep into it. Especially BtVS. Like so deep that I went to slash cons for about a decade (and I’ve been contemplating going to one next year that I’ve gone to a few times), including a road trip across three states with a bunch of people I had met five minutes before I got in their car, and when…

Uh... “Before”? I would argue that they still haven’t. He was placed on that tree stump, and then those shoes were put on him by a “stylist” who was cursing the day everyone involved was born.

I herd someone compare everyone in that family to Vincent D’Onofrio’s character in Men in Black: giant blobs of evil crammed into human skin. I can’t disagree with that assessment.

“We’re a very powerful company. Country.” Huh. Why do I keep thinking about cigars and slips?

I take Benadryl at night when my allergies are being a particular nightmare because I’ve actually woken myself up scratching my arms bloody from scratching in my sleep, so it’s not every night. Just when my skin gets particularly itchy. Unfortunately, my allergies can flare up pretty much year-round because a bunch of…

Eh, that $9-from-Amazon 600-tablet bottle is Kirkland brand, so it’s literally the same exact thing you would get at Costco for the same price without having to deal with an actual Costco. Amazon wins.

And that NyQuil sleep-aid-ingredient-only stuff. It’s just Benadryl at an even-more-jacked-up-than-name-brand-Benadryl price. Generic Benadryl is four bucks for a hundred tablets at Target, if I recall correctly. Ooh, I just discovered it’s nine bucks for six hundred tablets from Amazon, and it’s a Prime item. I’ll…