I don’t wanted to be disrespectful of the dead but one time I happened to glance at the feet of the woman in the stall next to me (it was shoe thang. I just can’t help myself) Anyway these feet were in flip flops. They were crusted with spray on tanner, the nails were so long they curled over onto the floor and they…

I summon the Jezzie who is the reason I will never eat pumpkin seeds again.

Damn those pesky pea-green turds. Your life could have been so bright.

I saw Ted Cruz in the bathroom once. That was disturbing.

Your real name isn’t cocopop??

I had a sex dream a while ago featuring Cameron Diaz. I haven’t actually seen many of her movies, but her character in Vanilla Sky completely freaked me out. She wasn’t scary in my dream though. I don’t remember much about it other than it was quite pleasurable. So good job, Cameron!

On August 19th I left my husband. 10 days later I had to put down my 12 year old dog. He was my baby and the love of my life. I had him before I ever met my husband, so for a long time it was just me and him. I miss him with every cell in my body and am completely devastated. I don’t know what to do with myself.…

That’s my favorite meme of the season I think. Children of the con.

Nominee: Best Kinja Deals Post EVER

Nominee: Best Kinja Deals Post EVER

It’s valid until the day Kinja Deals is litigated out of existence.

It’s valid until the day Kinja Deals is litigated out of existence.

It’s too little, too late, but it beats serving out that outrageous sentence.

Sigh. It was a fun run. I’ll follow you on Twitter to see where you’ll go to next. I wish you all the luck in the world. See you..

Homebrewed beer; a light ale.

Oh, that sounds so good. I’ve never seen that here in Florida because we’re not allowed to have nice things in this state.

I got a job! And it's a good job, doing really important work and I'm really happy to be moving to a new city when I actually have a job rather than maybe being unemployed for a bit.

Totally with you. I just don’t get it. Remember all the Jez regulars who don’t even post anymore because they got trolled ? It’s really frustrating.

Complaint Ahead: I miss having our own political articles on Jez.

What’s everyone drinking tonight? I have been mixing it up with the sun, which is no good. HOWEVER. I am going to meet Allie of Demands Hats for Cats.