Drew Barry, are you fucking insane?

I suspect the “thief” was just a member of the building cleaning staff who unknowingly moved the chair to a different room.

But the important thing here is that since Drew is gone, I can state for the record that the official stance of the Funbag is now that mayonnaise is awesome and delicious and one of our finest condiments and makes just about everything better. Mayo forever.

Almonds are fine, and perhaps the most versatile nut, but the cashew is the best nut and I will accept no arguments in opposition (except maybe the macadamia nut, but they’re so goddamn expensive and hard to crack that I only have them a couple times a year).

I have a coworker who gets made at the word “utilize” because “it’s just a fancy-sounding way of saying use.”

My pet peeve is unique. I mean it’s misuse of the word unique. Unique doesn’t mean rare, it means only. There is no superlative for unique. Nothing is very unique, or extremely unique, or the most unique. Nothing is almost unique either. If something were almost unique, it would be rare.

The argument against calling GnR a Hair Metal band is the same argument for not calling System of a Down a nu-Metal band: those two genres suck, while those two bands don’t. Otherwise, they fit right in.

Of all the bad lists that have graced the pages of Deadspin, that gum ranking may be the absolute worst. Passion fruit gum at No. 2?!?

no no no no no no no

The lack of respect shown to Marvin makes me very angry, very angry indeed.

Michigan J. Frog criminally underrated. 

Pepe le Pew ahead of Marvin the Martian is the worst list disaster since the infamous Cereal Rankings.

Pepe Le Pew is a rapist.

Marvin the Martian not being at least in the top five is a crime against humanity, and I demand a swift and savage retribution against those responsible.

“The larger theme is everybody works for somebody,” Lawrence Kasdan said. “Evil or good, you’re not in control of your destiny, which is very important to us.” “Everybody serves some greater God or is mastered by something,” Jon added.

Yes. The real monsters aren’t the top-scrapers, it’s the barbarians who put out rock-hard frozen butter from the fridge on the dinner table to go with the fluffy light dinner rolls. Might as well apply the butter with the immersion blender, the carnage will be the same.

They’re takin’ our spots!

Where have I seen that font before?

Right? Huma is the one person who did nothing wrong. Those two MEN did all the fucking up, so she is absolutely blameless.