Do you not realize that Jordan does not have the official @AmazonFCNamegoeshere handle that the others do, and is basically just mocking them all?

Why put milk in cans when we can bring back glass bottles?

This shot is brilliant and should be shown in any film study class

This right here is honestly the only thing I use Google Keep for.

6. Replace the salt with silicate and the pepper with plastic microbeads. Bad for the environment, but good for your bottom line.

Jeez, at least file this to “ASSHOLE SEAGULLS” for consistency.

Joke’s on you! I don’t have ANY spare money to donate!

Just wait until you start seeing negative dollar amounts!

Oh, you sweet, summer children. Halloween begins in the second-to-last week of October and ends during the first week of November.

Same here. Roadways are disgusting.

At least she can take consolation in the fact that there’s a valid form of photo ID in her attic that keeps getting older.

The only option:

There are three supermarkets within a reasonable walking distance of my house, and yet I’ll always* take the extra six minutes to drive to Wegmans.

FIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIIIIINGS

Since a list of 200-plus apps would be too long for us to include

This happens to me all the time, mostly from a woman who lives just outside Tampa, has two kids and a dog named Charlie, is a teacher, and has been in the market for a new SUV for at least a year.

I know those who’d argue: “Just do your job,” but this isn’t a job I’ll hold forever and I’d hate myself if I served someone who’s destructive to all I stand for.

Might as well go all out then and harvest the root of Althaea officinalis and make real marshmallow and not the store-bought sugary crap that passes for modern marshmallows.

jesus christ nobody cares