He rhymed lesbian with thespian? How pedestrian.

TIL a disturbingly large amount of Jezebel commenters are OK with this.

Newsflash: you can get impregnated at 15 years old and give birth at 16 years old.

Don’t forget the time it takes to gestate! She could have been 15 at the time.

On Wednesday, 19-year-old Monalisa Perez shot her boyfriend, 22-year-old Pedro Ruiz III, in the chest from a foot away with only an encyclopedia covering his body, killing him.

She didn’t have a bleeding face.

“Objection!

Alicia must not read Lifehacker.

Lifehacker synergy:

Color + plant. Purple Shamrock? Yellow Willow? Silver Arborvitae? Orange Orange (with one rhyming with Solange)?

UPDATE: I made this several times this weekend.

And now I know what I’ll be making myself in approximately two and a half hours.

Agreed. If it can’t be said in two (maaaaaaybe three) 140-character tweets, find a different platform.

I know! Weird fonts can be so annoying.

Cats rule, dogs drool, and a tenuous grasp of proper English is annoying.

This is super hilarious and definitely not at all expected as a comment to a post like this. Hey everyone, get a load of friggin’ George Carlin over here!

They probably took all those 4" cheap wooden and/or marquee-light individual letters and lined them up on a Nate Berkus end table to spell out NEED HELP PLESE CLL POLICE (the A’s were likely out of stock).