It’s all a beauty pageant, and Washington is a little Husky.

Calmer than you are.

As an Eagles fan, a football fan, and a black man, I was with you all the way until the last sentence.

Blonde with a bottle of wine taking a topless selfie for he man? I’m backing it.

there’s a guy outside who says he needs to be in here

+1 I’m in tears, and I’ve left evidence on the ground as I look for some tissues.

“I think I might just give them permission to keep using it.....then take it back”

He’s tried to make me geaux to rehab
I won’t geaux, geaux, geaux.

I want Dolby to come out with T-H-SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Ideally, there’d be a cell-phone neutralizer and a noise-cancelling system that suppresses human voices in two stages. Stage one is to electro-acoustically cancel out voices. Stage 2 is for when that doesn’t work. A cattle-prod-like device that deploys sharply and…

Old Chevy Silverados, maybe a few with old Ford F150s. They own them outright.

I’m exclusively invested in pork bellies. Feeling pretty good about that right now.

Sure, the alternate version is Deadspin.com/Foodspin-cum-ass-titty-fuck-jizzbomb-blackcock

That should work, right?

Few notes - 1) I am familiar with a child having a seizure, I experienced it first hand 2) I am not the only one commenting here, so I expect you to reply to all of them with several Fuck You’s (CAP and no cap) 3) Lastly, this Deadspin post is about the continued worship of Tebow, not the victim of the seizure.

All I wanted to do was nap and beat off, Serta. IS THAT SO WRONG?!

Easy for you to Monday Morning QB it, at the time all you know is that you are being attacked with a weapon in your own yard. You don’t know it won’t be life-threatening.

The moment during which you are being stabbed in the face seven times is definitely a moment worthy of killing the stabber.

These white lives matter protests are getting out of hand.

Whoa! Good thing Jones thinks with his dick.

According to police, Chicken is easy to spot, as he tends to be visibly fried.

Pictured: Skip Bayless