So... lie, because moral compass? You lost me.

I take comfort in knowing my bank robbery career is on track by just leaving off the eyeliner and pulling back my bangs.

Oh, I didn't realize the rest was made up and I was thinking, "Wow, for a rich person, Chrissy Teigen is weirdly into coupons!"

Apparently they just did it in the White House, I made up everything else for it to be ridiculous. Although now I am worried that people are going to start having sex at the wax museum to emulate.

She looks like The Riddler's mom. But I kinda dig it.

Oh, good, Katy. I'm glad God helped you out with that. Maybe next time he can help out all the kids dying of starvation and measles, malaria, etc.

You're right. The back-up dancer was actually an angel sent by God. The two of them are meant to fall in love so that he'll clip his wings for her before she dies in a tragic accident. Turns out the whole thing was actually orchestrated by Taylor and her cherubic gang of 90s film loving minions.

no food stamps taken. Could've sworn the checks could be taken to bank and be cashed in but I wouldn't know.

Restaurant workers messing with a complete asshole's food is kind of like capital punishment. There are many of us who don't support it and think it's a barbaric thing to do, but there are times when it happens to someone that you just can't feel even a little bit sorry for.

What you're calling "a government cellphone" most likely refers to phones subsidized by phone companies. The Lifeline program began with the Telecom Act of 1934 as a subsidy to local service, paid for by the high costs of long distance service. After the breakup of AT&T in 1984 (under Ronald Reagan), the costs were…

Just to let you know, I earmarked my tax money to pay for this particular guy's pizza, so lay the fuck off. It's paid for, we got it covered.

Those ungrateful Poors. Obviously wasting money they clearly don't deserve.

I had the same thought, and felt bad for the poor old guy, even as I was feeling bad for the musicians. Getting old sucks.

Now I hope he followed them around their entire stay.

I'm the server from that first story. Trust me, he was so drunk he could barely stand. If it hadn't worked on it's own, I probably would have added a little push to make it happen. ;)

In the late '80s and early 90s I worked as a bartender at a very nice hotel. It was the place where money came for lunch and supper, celebrities would stay there while shooting movies, and lots of AMEX Platinums (Ceturion wasn't around yet) went past your face.

One note for Barry I've learned from dealing with my asshat old codger grandpa- hearing aids SUCK. That does not in ANYWAY excuse bad behavior and I applaud your way of handling the situation, but all too often, hearing aids amplifying all noise, making something soft (like your cymbal with brushes) really sound too…

I'm in a sci-fi club. Some of my friends have really great costumes. Mostly Star Trek to start with, but other stuff too.

I'm a 20% tipper. You'd have to stab me in the face to get that knocked down.

sits down in his usual chair which happens to be in my section that night, and places his usual order of Finger Chicken (chicken fingers...har har)